


i have 40,000 hours in skate 3

by benneyfreeman



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half-Life, Half-Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Broken Bones, Domestic Fluff, Drinking Games, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Post-Canon, Sharing a Bed, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Spooning, i forgot to mention that gordon has a prosthetic hand SORRY its like a high-tech thing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:02:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 25,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24603598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/benneyfreeman/pseuds/benneyfreeman
Summary: your standard post-canon gordon and benrey are roommates fic. benrey says he knows how to skateboard. spoiler: benrey does not know how to skateboard
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 511
Kudos: 1317





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> welcome to my first fanfic in like 4 or 5 years!! back at it again with the domestic fluff. also you won't find those old fanfics on this account i orphaned the hell out of those bitches. haha.
> 
> comments/kudos appreciated as !!! im a bit nervous about posting this given i havent even tried writing a fanfic in forever much less a multichapter one aaah

The sight before him is...worrying, to say the least. Gordon stares as Benrey wobbles unsteadily on the skateboard he’d unearthed from somewhere within Gordon’s closet, which Gordon hasn’t even  _ seen _ since he was in college. Is it strange that he’s so used to Benrey going through his things? Maybe, but then, nothing about this situation is really  _ normal.  _ Most people don’t have an alien (?) for a roommate. He’s still not sure how the hell Benrey wormed his way in like this, in the first place. He just, like, showed up at Gordon’s house about a week after they’d all gotten out of Black Mesa and refused to leave.

Gordon thinks back, shaking his head. Maybe he should have been more surprised to see Benrey looking perfectly alive and healthy, perched on his counter and eating handfuls of stale Lucky Charms directly out of the bag, but at the time he recalls mostly being annoyed. Of course the bastard wouldn’t stay dead, of  _ course.  _ His desire to make Gordon’s life a living hell was much too strong for that.   
  
At first, Gordon tried everything he could think of to get Benrey to leave, short of trying to shoot him again. He wasn’t sure how to explain that to the neighbors, and he was tired of shooting things, anyway. But...over the past few months, he kind of, got used to Benrey being around? Sometimes it’s almost pleasant, although Gordon would rather die than admit that Benrey isn’t actually all that bad of a roommate. He’s probably just biased because Joshua likes Benrey, come to think of it. The sight of the two of them curled up on the couch together, engrossed in Joshua’s Switch, is actually pretty heart-warming…   
  
Anyway. He shakes himself back to the present--Benrey’s still trying to get his balance on the skateboard. “You, uh. You good?” Gordon asks, raising an eyebrow. “I could probably give you some pointers if you--” He’s stopped by Benrey waving a dismissive hand, the movement nearly toppling him right then and there.   
  
“No way, cringe, Feetman thinks he’s better at skateboarding than I am...come on this isn’t even hard. I bet you fall off all the time ‘cause you’re a lil’ clumsy boy. Clumsy fail baby. I’m a skateboarding  _ pro _ . I’ll do a fucking kickflip right now just you fucking watch me,” Benrey says, and Gordon just barely has time to process that last part and yelp out a “No, wait--!” before he goes for it.

* * *

Needless to say, Benrey is  _ not _ a “skateboarding pro”. Dumbass is lucky Gordon knows basic first aid, he thinks, watching as Benrey prods at his new cast with his good hand. Thankfully, Benrey’s anatomy is apparently human enough that none of the ER doctors were confused by the x-ray of his broken arm...Gordon sighs, pulling into his driveway. He...definitely wasn’t planning on having most of his afternoon taken up because his roommate was an idiot and managed to break his arm in three places.

It’s only once they’re inside the house and Gordon is about to order them something to eat (fuck cooking, he’s way too tired for that shit) that he realizes something. “...Wait,” he says.

Benrey looks up. “What, forget my order already? Your brain too small to hold that much information all at once?”

Gordon scowls at him briefly. “No, my brain is--whatever, shut up. I was going to ask. Why did you get hurt? You never got hurt at Black Mesa. I thought you were invulnerable?”

Silence.

“Benrey?”

“Whuh?”

He rolls his eyes, then looks back down at his phone, adding the rest of their order to his cart. Thank fuck for food delivery apps, honestly. Ordering via phone call kind of blows. 

A few more minutes of silence while Gordon stares at the tracking screen, willing the restaurant to prepare the food a bit faster, and then Benrey speaks again.

“...Don’t know,” he mutters.

Gordon looks up in surprise, having forgotten what they were talking about. It’s unusual for Benrey to give him a straight answer when he pulls that--pretending not to hear the question shit.

“...You asked why I got hurt,” Benrey mumbles, looking down at his lap. His thick, black waves of hair fall in front of his face like a curtain. “Said I don’t know. Like you said, I’m invulnerable, shouldn’t have bbbbbbbb taken damage. Breaking bones is for cringe losers like you, not me. I’m epic gamer I have forty thousand hours in Skate 3 and I do kickflips all day every day.”

It’s hard to tell given his monotone and the fact that his hair is in the way, but is...is Benrey freaked out? Gordon reaches out and gives him a tentative pat on the shoulder. It’s--not like they haven’t touched before, but it’s usually Benrey getting in his space to try to piss him off, not...anything like this. “Uh, that sucks,” he says awkwardly.

Glowing green eyes peer at him from behind Benrey’s hair, and Gordon wishes he could tell what Benrey’s thinking, but he’s as unreadable as ever. The alien starts to move his right arm, but stops with a soft growl, and reaches up to brush his hair away from his face with his left hand instead. “Yeah it’s pretty suck. Bet you infected me with your suckass human-ness, Feetman, what the hell bro. Not cool.” He shifts to lean against the arm of the couch, putting his feet up in Gordon’s lap. This garners a scowl from Gordon that is...really mostly on principle at this point, though he’s loath to admit he doesn’t mind the contact all that much. Maybe even at all.   
  
What he  _ does  _ mind is Benrey’s fidgeting as he tries to watch TV, even if the current show isn’t something he’s actually invested in--just something random to pass the time until their food arrives. Benrey keeps shifting his position, like he can’t get comfortable, and Gordon makes an undignified noise that he refuses to describe as a squeak when Benrey’s heel comes uncomfortably close to his junk. He pushes Benrey’s legs off of his lap on reflex, turning to glare at the other. 

“What’s with you? Can’t you just--sit there? You’re really good at it when you’re taking up the couch to play Halo or whatever for twelve hours straight!”

Benrey huffs and tries to cross his arms--keyword being “tries”. He gives up after a few moments and simply looks off to the side sulkily. “Yeah, fuck you. Your fault anyway giving me your fuckin’ human disease,” he grumbles. “This cast blows more than your mom.”

Gordon processes that for a few moments. He’s gotten a bit better at understanding Benrey now that they’ve been sharing a living space for months, and Benrey rarely comes out and actually says what he means. “...You’re saying you can’t get comfortable because of the cast,” he guesses. Benrey shrugs, which he decides to take as a yes. He sighs, reaching for a throw pillow, and passes it to Benrey, who stares at it like he’s never seen it before in his life.

“It’s to rest your cast on,” Gordon explains. Benrey looks at him like he’s grown a second head, and Gordon lets out another long-suffering sigh, reaching out to take the pillow back. He places it on Benrey’s chest instead and gently manipulates his broken arm to rest on top of it, the pillow acting as padding for the hard plaster. He scoots back to his side of the couch once he’s done. “There. Better?” 

Why does Benrey always have to have such unreadable blank expressions? He stares at the pillow on his chest for a solid minute. “...Your throw pillows are ugly as shit,” is what he finally ends up saying, and Gordon throws his hands up in exasperation.

“You don’t have to use it! God, I was trying to help you.”

“Nah, I’ll keep your ugly-ass throw pillow. What, are you mad that I called your pillows ugly?” Benrey asks, a shit-eating grin spreading across his face.

“No, I’m not--I’m not  _ mad _ that you said my  _ throw pillows are ugly. _ What?”

“Are you sure? You seem a little mad bro. It’s fine if you’re just a little bit angry. Don’t go rage-quitting on me though dude.”

Gordon laughs despite himself, shaking his head. “You’re an ass.”

Benrey’s opening his mouth to quip back in turn when the doorbell rings, and Gordon’s quick to answer the door. It’s a bit later than he prefers for dinner-time, and he’s  _ starving.  _ Once he’s sorted through the various containers of Chinese takeout and passed the fortune cookies off to Benrey to be devoured, wrapper and all, Gordon hands Benrey a pair of chopsticks. Or tries to. Benrey’s busy trying to get his container of lo mein open with one hand, and it doesn’t seem to be going well.

“Do you need any--” Gordon starts, but Benrey simply leans down to rip the top open with his teeth, razor-sharp fangs making quick work of the cardboard. Okay, that problem’s solved then. But...he gazes at Benrey’s broken arm, suddenly realizing something. “Uh, are you...gonna be able to use these okay with your left hand?” Gordon waves the chopsticks. Benrey stares at him, spitting out a piece of cardboard. “Since, y’know, you’re right-handed and everything…”   
  
Benrey blinks, seeming surprised for a moment, but then it fades to a more thoughtful expression. Finally, he answers. “...Nah, I’m good. Give me the chopsticks, cringe boy.” He snatches them out of Gordon’s hand, and Gordon rolls his eyes, turning to his own food.

He keeps his eyes trained on the TV for a few minutes, but...it’s hard not to hear Benrey swearing under his breath. It’s pretty uncharacteristic of him to express frustration about anything other than a video game, so Gordon looks over again to see him utterly failing to use chopsticks with his left hand. It’s almost pathetic. Gordon wordlessly passes him a plastic fork instead, and Benrey scowls, but takes it. Swapping the chopsticks out for a fork definitely seems to help, but he’s still awkward as hell. Still--it’s the best solution Gordon has. Benrey will get used to it, he thinks, turning his attention back to the TV.

Gordon’s so used to Benrey invading his personal space by now that he barely notices when his roommate sits up and starts inching closer, much more invested in whatever dumb reality show is playing on TLC. It’s kind of hard not to notice when Benrey starts insistently nudging his shoulder, though.

“What? What do you want?” Gordon snaps, glaring at him.

Benrey pouts. “This is like, so lame, can’t even fuckin’...eat this epic lo mein you got me...You know if you’re really my bro you’ll help me out here.”

“I already gave you a fork? Stop being such a weenie, you’ll get used to it.”

That doesn’t do anything to placate Benrey, though. He leans on Gordon’s shoulder even more heavily, his cast knocking against Gordon’s arm hard enough to make him wince. “Nooo come on bro we’re like best friends you gotta...gotta hold my fork for me come onnn bro my noodles keep falling off and it’s so suck…”

Gordon pauses.

What?

“...No fucking way,” he says once the shock of Benrey asking to be fucking hand-fed his noodles like a baby bird has worn off. “Learn how to use your left hand to eat and stop bothering me.”

Benrey sits back, looking morose, and Gordon is determined to ignore him...until the sound of loud, obnoxious slurping meets his ears, and he looks back at Benrey to see him sticking his entire face in his container of lo mein like a fucking animal.

“What the fuck, gross! Stop! Eat like a--a civilized person!” Gordon kicks his leg lightly, which makes Benrey look up.

“If you don’t want me to do this maybe you should--should stop being so cringe and help a bro out, Feetman. If you even know how to stop being cringe that is.”

There’s silence as they stare each other down.

Finally, Gordon gives a defeated sigh. “...Fine. Just don’t fucking...make it weird. And I have to eat too, so…”

Benrey quickly leans up against his shoulder again, passing his container of lo mein over, and Gordon tries not to think about how weirdly intimate this is. It’s--it’s fine, it doesn’t have to be weird! Just like feeding Joshua. Wait, maybe that makes things weirder. He’s going to just not think about it, he decides, trying his damnedest to focus on the TV and not the hum Benrey lets out when Gordon sticks a forkful of noodles into his mouth.

...He’s never going to admit how long he lies awake thinking about it later though, staring at the ceiling in his room as his face burns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well !! feel free to let me know what you thought! im not sure exactly how long this will be im kinda winging it. id really like to pull off the whole slow burn thing. i might also do benrey pov at some point ??? it depends... i think i am more comfortable with gordon pov 
> 
> hope you gays liked this <3
> 
> gonna add what song i was listening to for each chapter! this chapter's song was crush culture by conan gray


	2. Chapter 2

Gordon makes sure to let the rest of the Science Team know what happened the following morning, first thing after his shower--he’s pretty sure Benrey isn’t about to tell them, after all--and it’s no surprise when they all insist on dropping by later that day. It’s ceased to surprise him by now, how amicably they treat Benrey after everything that happened in Black Mesa. Well...except for Bubby, but he’s just like that. Not trying to kill Benrey is probably as amicable as Bubby is going to get with him--or possibly with anyone else aside from maybe Dr. Coomer.

Benrey’s on the couch when he emerges, which isn’t surprising. He sleeps there, after all. Should...should Gordon get him an actual bed? he wonders briefly. Benrey’s been here for...god, close to five months now. The couch can’t be all that comfortable...But--no, Benrey would probably take that as an invitation to stay, and Gordon’s still hoping for him to leave at some point. Isn’t he? It’s. It’s too early in the morning to confront the painful squeeze he feels in his chest at the idea of Benrey leaving, so he dismisses it.

So. It’s not weird that Benrey is on the couch. What  _ is  _ weird is that he’s already awake, throw pillow on his chest like last night, staring blankly at the TV as some cartoon plays quietly on the screen. First off, Gordon hasn’t known Benrey to wake up before him, like,  _ ever.  _ Usually what happens is that Gordon wakes up first, starts making breakfast, and Benrey stumbles out into the kitchen like a zombie to beg some of whatever he’s making off of him before crashing back on the couch until at least noon, at which point he usually immediately starts either gaming or bothering Gordon. His two favorite hobbies, apparently.

Anyway--it’s kind of jarring to see him conscious at this hour. He doesn’t seem to have even noticed Gordon yet, apparently engrossed in whatever he’s watching, though Gordon can only guess that’s why since his face is completely devoid of emotion. Gordon clears his throat, and Benrey actually jumps--also weird. “Uh, hey. Sorry if I woke you up,” he says. “I tried not to be too loud on the phone or anything...um, I told the rest of the Science Team what happened. They wanna come over and like, sign your cast and shit.”

Benrey sits up, rubbing his eyes with his left hand. “Ye...yeah you woke me up with your loud talking...what the hell, no respect for gamers in this fucking house. Stayed up all night working on my--my Animal Crossing kill streak.”

“...You do not have an Animal Crossing kill streak,” Gordon deadpans. He might not know much about video games in general, but he does play Animal Crossing, and he knows for a fact that there isn't even a little bit of killing in that.

Benrey looks at him like he’s the dumbest person on the planet. “Oh yeah? What do you--what do you think happens when you catch a fish, Feetman? Fish can’t breathe air. I thought you were some big college graduate, ohh look at me I’m Gordon Freeman the bigshot psychic major who doesn’t know what fish breathe…”

It’s...definitely too early for this. He’s not used to Benrey being anywhere close to coherent at this hour unless he’s actually pulled an all-nighter, which has happened before--wait. Gordon squints.

“...You weren’t actually sleeping, were you. You were  _ actually  _ up all night. Benrey, you know you have to get sleep so your arm will heal, right? Also--also, the Science Team is coming over today. You know once they’ve got something in their heads no one’s gonna be able to stop them, right? You’re going to be exhausted!” Why does he even care enough to fret at Benrey like this? It’s just going to go in one ear and out the other, anyway.

“Uh, yeah, I  _ was  _ sleeping, until your loud dumb voice woke me up,” Benrey insists stubbornly. Gordon doesn’t believe him, but whatever--he’s made his bed, now he’s gonna lie in it. “...Why do they wanna sign this thing anyway.” Benrey waves his cast at Gordon. “That’s kinda dumb, I don’t want their lame-ass signatures.”

Oh, right--Benrey’s...never had a broken bone before, huh? “It’s just--you know--a thing people do. You’re their friend, and you got hurt, so...uh, I guess it’s supposed to help you feel better to write nice messages on your cast?”

Benrey stares down at his cast and doesn’t answer, so Gordon moves on. “Anyway, I’m gonna make breakfast.” No response, but he wasn’t necessarily expecting one, so he doesn’t wait long before heading for the kitchen. He’s going to make Benrey a breakfast sandwich so that hopefully he can avoid any further demands to be hand-fed--he’s seriously not sure he can handle having to do that  _ again. _

* * *

Surprisingly, Benrey did  _ not  _ pass out immediately after finishing breakfast, which Gordon was fully expecting given his track record. Instead, while he does remain sprawled listlessly across the couch for the rest of the morning, he’s definitely (probably) fully conscious, staring at whatever’s on TV. Gordon will not admit that he’s starting to worry, especially since he hasn’t seen Benrey so much as  _ touch  _ a controller since his injury last night. He’s even starting to doubt Benrey’s claims that he played Animal Crossing. Did he just stay up watching TV all night?

It’s exactly 12:30PM when a car pulls up outside, and the Science Team piles out of Bubby’s car. Gordon moves to let them in before Dr. Coomer can put a dent in his door by knocking too hard (again), wondering for the umpteenth time how any of them can stand Bubby’s driving. The only way Gordon’s getting into that car is if he can drive it himself. Bubby’s road rage is just, out of fucking control, and he’s a speed demon to boot.

As soon as he opens the door, Dr. Coomer wraps him up in one of his classic bone-crushing hugs. “Hello, Gordon!” Gordon tries to respond, but it comes out as more of a wheeze. He rubs his aching ribs gently when he’s set back on his feet, accepting a much gentler hug from Tommy as Bubby hangs back, resting bitch face in full effect.

“Hey guys,” he says once he’s got his breath back. “...Wait, where’s Sunkist?” He’s gotten accustomed to the large dog accompanying Tommy whenever he visits, and it’s a surprise that he isn’t present.

“Oh, uh--you said Benrey was hurt, Mr. Freeman, so I thought since Sunkist gets--gets really excitable then maybe it wouldn’t be so great to bring him...Dogs don’t uh, know what casts are, so I don’t think he’d be too--too careful.”

“Right--right, yeah,” Gordon says, lightly smacking himself in the forehead. How does he keep forgetting Benrey isn’t impervious to damage anymore when the cast is  _ right there?  _ “Anyway, come in, I’d say make yourselves at home but you always do no matter whether I tell you to or not, so...Soda’s in the fridge as usual, et cetera.”

It’s getting close to lunchtime, so he retreats to the kitchen to put something together for everyone--grilled cheese sandwiches are easy enough, and should go over fine, right? Plus, no utensils necessary, so he won’t have to worry about Benrey embarrassing him in front of their friends. Hopefully Benrey won’t want any of the canned tomato soup he’s making to go along with it, and if he does, maybe Gordon can convince him to drink it out of the bowl rather than use a spoon…

He can hear snippets of conversation from the living room as he cooks, and it’s...nice. It’s always nice having the Science Team over. Truthfully, with how much of his time Gordon used to dedicate to his work, he can’t remember the last time he had someone over before the resonance cascade--other than Joshua, but he doesn’t really count since he technically lives here half the time. Anyway. It’s nice, having people over.

The other nice thing about grilled cheese is that it’s quick, so it isn’t long before he’s bringing the stack of sandwiches out on a plate. He knows better than to even try to get everyone to come to the kitchen to eat--herding cats would be a more rewarding prospect--so he just brings five paper plates with him and decides to hope very strongly that no one gets any butter or cheese on the floor or couch.

“Eat up, guys,” he says. “There’s tomato soup in the kitchen but you gotta grab a bowl of that yourself if you want it, I am  _ not  _ bringing that to you. I don’t want fucking, tomato soup stains in my carpet, thanks.”

“Don’t be a little bitch, it’s just soup,” Bubby says, taking two sandwiches and cracking open a Coke. Everyone has somehow acquired sodas from the fridge without Gordon noticing, which is about how things usually go. Also, everyone is sitting on the floor except for Benrey, for some reason. He’s pretty much given up on questioning the Science Team’s odd behavior, by now.

“Sure. I’m still not bringing the pot out here.”

Dr. Coomer and Tommy take one sandwich each with expressions of gratitude, and everyone digs in except Benrey, who is just staring at the remaining sandwiches. Gordon takes a sandwich for himself and sits on the couch next to him in the meantime, trying not to let Benrey’s weird silence get to him. As usual, he can’t tell what the alien is thinking.

“...You grilled me a cheese,” Benrey mumbles eventually. Gordon might have ignored the comment, but his tone is...oddly reverent. 

He swallows his current mouthful of bread and cheese, quirking an eyebrow at Benrey. “Yeah? I grilled everyone cheeses. It’s just a sandwich, dude. Food’s gonna get cold if you don’t eat it, y’know.”

Benrey ignores the paper plate Gordon offers him and instead sets the entire plate of sandwiches in his lap before doing his absolute best to fit an entire grilled cheese into his mouth. Well. Good thing everyone else served themselves first, if Benrey’s planning to eat the four remaining sandwiches by himself.

He glances at Benrey’s cast, curious if the others have already gotten to it, and--yep. A scrawled “Get well soon!” from Tommy takes up a spot right in the middle of Benrey’s forearm, while Bubby’s neat handwriting reads “I hope you break your other arm, too.” as well as “BUBBY WAS HERE” underneath. Gordon assumes Dr. Coomer is responsible for the good three (?) paragraphs of illegibly tiny writing covering another section of the cast. Knowing him, it’s probably the Wikipedia article on orthopedic casts, or maybe a bunch of medical knowledge about how to help broken arms? Gordon would bet on the former, though, if pressed. Tommy’s also drawn a frankly excessive amount of smiley faces in various other locations on the cast, for god knows what reason, as well as a little doodle that Gordon thinks is supposed to be Sunkist.

“So um, Mr. Freeman, I don’t mean to be rude, but…” Tommy sits back down with a bowl of tomato soup--wait, when did he leave? Gordon snaps his attention to Tommy instantly, embarrassed to have been caught staring at Benrey for any reason. “Uh, how come  _ you  _ didn’t write anything on Benrey’s cast yet? You guys are friends now so you should, you should write something nice on his cast to help him feel better!”

They’re not...friends though, not really, but Gordon doesn’t feel like arguing that point right now. Instead, he says, “Oh, come on. You really think Benrey wants me to write on his cast? I bet he thinks my handwriting is--cringe, or something.”

“Whatttt,” Benrey says, “You don’t want to write on my cast? That’s so fucked up dude I can’t believe you...Tommy he doesn’t want to help me get better isn’t that fucked up?”

“You have to admit that’s a little bit fucked up, Gordon,” Dr. Coomer interjects, and Gordon sighs.

“Okay, okay--fine. Pass me a marker, someone--” A Sharpie instantly hits him in the forehead and lands on top of his sandwich. Thankfully, the cap is still on, or he would have been very upset. As it is, he makes a face at Bubby. “...Thanks.”

“Make sure you give it back when you’re done or I’ll kick your ass.”

Gordon gives him a thumbs-up and scoots closer to Benrey, who sets his empty plate aside--Jesus, did he seriously already inhale all of those? Gordon’s barely eaten half of his one sandwich. Anyway. Writing on Benrey’s cast.

The moment he uncaps the Sharpie, his mind goes...a bit blank. What the fuck is he going to write on Benrey’s cast? It can't be anything too cheesy, or too...dumb. He must hesitate for too long, because Benrey nudges him, causing the tip of the marker to leave a dot on his cast. “You gonna write something or what, Feetman?”

“Yeah, shut up, you guys kinda put me on the spot here,” Gordon retorts, and finally just writes the first thing that comes to mind. “Looks a bit shit” _is_ probably a dumb thing to write, but too late. Feeling a little bit bad, he adds, “Seriously though, get better soon man.” Everyone else signed their names, so...he does the same, though it looks like shit due to the bumpy surface of the cast.

Benrey lifts his arm to read Gordon’s message, and Gordon himself scoots back to his side of the couch, placing the marker back in Bubby’s outstretched palm, then returns to eating his lunch--which thankfully has not yet grown cold after that interruption.

“You were right, your handwriting is pretty cringe,” Benrey says. “Can’t even read this bro, just looks like some kinda toddler scribbled all over my arm. Actually it looks worse than that, you know Josh writes better than you.”

Gordon huffs. “That--you’re exaggerating now. Shut up. Josh is  _ five,  _ he can barely write anything! Why do I even fucking bother.”

Dr. Coomer speaks before Benrey can, apparently not interested in listening to them banter. “Oh, how  _ is  _ little Joshua doing, Gordon? It feels like it’s been forever since I saw him!”

With everyone sufficiently distracted by the shift in topic, no one notices the slight smile tugging at the corners of Benrey’s mouth as he rereads the message Gordon left on his cast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope y'all enjoyed !!!  
> i wrote this in 1 sitting and im dying
> 
> ...i think this is the chapter where i was listening to yellow ledbetter by pearl jam? which was a weird choice


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -shakes a bag of frenrey fic outside my door- come get y'all food

Thankfully, it’s easier than usual to extricate the other members of the Science Team from his house--Gordon isn’t exactly sure why. Maybe they don’t want to make Benrey feel crowded? But he seems fine...Whatever. As much as he enjoys their company, they’re...a lot. Well, maybe Tommy not so much--he’s pretty chill. Gordon always feels kind of exhausted after a visit with all three of them, though. 

They’re gone by dinnertime, though, and Gordon makes sure it’s something that doesn’t require utensils to eat yet again. Maybe that’s like, a cowardly solution, and he should just let Benrey figure out how to use utensils in his left hand like a normal person, but. Benrey’s...definitely not a normal person. He _will_ eat like a fucking slob just to bother Gordon and get his way without any qualms. Unfortunately, someone sitting next to him and making disgusting noises while he tries to eat has a tendency to make his appetite vanish, and not eating in the same room as Benrey isn’t an option either because if there’s anything he learned in Black Mesa, it’s that Benrey is a persistent motherfucker when it comes to annoying him.

So--finger food it is for the next two months. He’s going to have to look up a lot of recipes, isn’t he? That’s--that’s fine though. Definitely preferable to Benrey peer-pressuring him into feeding him.

Once they’re done eating, Benrey slips out of the kitchen while Gordon eyes the growing pile of dishes in the sink. Normally it’s Benrey’s responsibility to wash the dishes since Gordon always cooks (he does NOT trust Benrey near the stove), but...ugh, he’s going to have to start doing it until Benrey’s arm is healed, isn’t he. Gordon’s pretty sure it would be bad if he got water on his cast, right? Maybe they can tag-team it tomorrow. Gordon washes, Benrey dries? He might drop the dishes though, he’s so inept with his left hand.

Whatever, he’ll think about this tomorrow. It isn’t really a problem until they run out of clean dishes anyway, which is definitely how that works.

When he heads out to the living room himself and flops down on the couch, Gordon is fully expecting Benrey to be playing a game of some kind. But--no, he’s just aimlessly flipping through Netflix, seeming bored. At least--Gordon is inferring that he’s bored, because he’s staring blankly again.

“Benrey? You uh--you haven’t played any games all day,” Gordon says. “Everything good?”

Benrey fixes his gaze on Gordon instead, pausing his rapid mashing at the buttons on the remote to flip past shows as fast as possible. “...Really, man? I knew you sucked at games but I thought you knew you need--you need two hands for that shit. Or two, uh, hand-functioning appendages.” He glances down at Gordon’s prosthetic hand, almost apologetic.

Gordon feels like he should be the one apologizing, which makes absolutely no sense. It was Benrey’s own fault he broke his arm! But--well, it does suck a lot that he probably won’t be able to play the games he really enjoys until he’s better.

“...Wanna play Mario Party?” he suggests. “You don’t need two hands for that one.”

Benrey actually laughs at that. “Damn bro, if you wanted to break up with me you could’ve just said so.”

...Wait.

“Break up with--we’re not dating!” His face feels like it’s on fire, and he hates it. “Stop--stop _doing_ that.”

“Huh?”

Gordon rubs his face with his left hand, much too keenly aware of his prosthetic at the moment since Benrey just pointed it out. It’s been long enough now that he sometimes forgets--having gotten mostly used to the high-tech model’s sensors. It’s got extremely precise pressure and texture sensitivity, which he’s grateful for, but it’s pretty lacking on the temperature side of things. It _is_ programmed to jerk back like a normal hand if he touches something too hot, to avoid damage, but Gordon can’t actually feel hot and cold with it, really. It’s taken some getting used to.

“...So, what did you _want_ to play?” Gordon asks. He...has an idea, but...god, why is he doing this? Is it really the end of the world if Benrey can’t play whatever PS4 game he’s pining after for a couple months?

“Call of Duty Warzone.”

...He’s really about to suggest this, isn’t he. “I could, uh. I saw--I saw someone on YouTube do a ‘two players one controller’ challenge once, and...Maybe we could try doing that?”

Benrey stares at him, looking about as startled by this idea as Gordon has ever seen him. Then his posture and expression relax again, and he shakes his head. “Go--Failman, you don’t know how to play Call of Duty. You’ll just mess up my killstreaks. Probably break my controller with your not-gamer aura.”

In his annoyance, Gordon almost misses the fact that Benrey nearly used his first name. He files that away to mull over later. “I’m not going to _break_ your controller! I’ll be careful. I know I don’t know how to play, but it’s just pressing buttons, right? You can just tell me what to press and I’ll do it.”

There’s a very long stretch of silence, and for a minute, Gordon thinks Benrey’s ignoring him. Finally, though, he switches the input on the TV and leans forward to grab his controller off the coffee table, offering the right half to Gordon. “Yeah, whatever, sure. I guess I gotta give other people a chance sometime, like, they might just--just stop playing if I keep kicking their asses so hard. Wouldn’t have any asses to kick then.”

* * *

Call of Duty 2 players 1 controller challenge does not go well, predictably. Well, the _game_ doesn’t go well, at least. 

Gordon tries to still give Benrey space at first, sitting a few inches away with his arm stretched out to grasp the right half of the controller while Benrey holds the left half, but that just. Does not work. At least he knows where the buttons are...unlike Nintendo’s consoles, the biggest change Sony made to PlayStation controllers since the PS2 was to remove the start and select buttons, apparently.

Even pressed against Benrey’s side, though, it’s still a shitshow. He didn’t realize Call of Duty had so many different controls that were all for the right half of the controller...It even takes him some time to get the hang of getting the camera to look where Benrey wants it to. “Press triangle” is a simple enough command, but not when Benrey is giving a rapid-fire string of different instructions into his ear.

The fact that Benrey’s actually speaking directly into his ear and he can feel the alien’s breath tickling his cheek has nothing to do with his inability to follow instructions.

Honestly though, as a hangout sesh? Gordon would call it a success. Benrey mostly laughs at his ineptitude rather than getting pissed at him, and Gordon’s a big enough man to realize that, yeah, he sucks at this game and this was a stupid idea, and also his fuckups are kind of hilarious. So it...kind of just turns into them leaning on each other and laughing until they cry. It’s nice, Gordon realizes. Things have been nice with Benrey a lot lately, actually.

Finally, though, Benrey gently wrests the controller from Gordon’s grip and turns off the console before setting it delicately back in its spot on the coffee table. He doesn’t move away though, draping himself over Gordon’s shoulder as well as he can with his cast in the way. It ends up tucked (kind of uncomfortably for Gordon) against Gordon’s side, and Benrey sighs, nuzzling his face against Gordon’s neck. Gordon’s pulse immediately kicks up several notches.

“Uh--you tired? Want me to leave so you can get some sleep?” Benrey hums and it--it does something weird to his heart, being able to _feel_ Benrey shake his head. “...Uhhh. Wanna watch TV then?” A nod, this time. “Alright. Uh. You--you know you have to look at the TV to watch it, right?” No response at all. Gordon sighs, and switches back over to Netflix, but...he’s not sure what to put on. Benrey would normally be “fighting” with him for control of the remote (which Gordon happily gives up because he never has a solid idea of what he wants to watch anyway), so he’s getting a bit lost in the categories here. It’s also very distracting that Benrey is breathing on his neck.

He’s narrowed it down to two choices and is about to ask Benrey’s opinion when a quiet, snuffling snore reaches his ears. _Oh._ Benrey fell asleep on his shoulder. His heart feels like it actually fucking _flips_ in his chest as he realizes this, which is simultaneously unpleasant and _extremely_ pleasant. Gross.

Well...he’s not actually ready to turn in yet, and if Benrey hasn’t slept since the night before last as he’s suspecting, it won’t hurt anything to let him nap for an hour or so. Gordon picks one of the two shows he was considering at random and hits play.

* * *

It’s actually more like two hours later when Gordon finally starts feeling like bed is a good idea. He’s getting stiff from staying still to try to avoid disturbing Benrey too, and the cast digging into his side isn’t helping matters. He turns off the TV and gently shakes the alien awake--ew, did Benrey drool on his shoulder? 

“Mgh?” Benrey yawns widely, showing off every single one of his unnervingly-sharp teeth, and peers up at Gordon with sleepily reproachful eyes. “Waking me up again...why’re you bein’ so mean today, not cool…”

Gordon gets to his feet, stretching with a wince when his back makes an alarmingly loud cracking noise. “Sorry, but I need to sleep too. Not my fault you commandeered my shoulder as your pillow. ‘Night, dude.” He heads off in the direction of his room, only to stop when he hears Benrey’s voice again.

“...Wait.”

He turns, and Benrey looks surprised that Gordon actually listened. “Uh.”

Gordon waits for him to continue for a few moments, but like, he’s fucking tired. “...Yeah? What is it?”

Benrey shifts awkwardly in his spot on the couch, carefully looking at the PS4 controller still sitting on the coffee table and _not_ at Gordon. “Can’t uh. Can’t sleep with this--this fuckin’ fail plaster encasing my arm bro...Kinda uh. Makes it hard to sleep on my side and like, everyone knows sleeping on your back is for noobs so…”

Oh. God. Gordon feels like an asshole. He actually just made Benrey sleep on the couch last night _with a broken arm_ and didn't even think twice about it. 

“Fuck, sorry, Benrey--why didn’t you say anything before?” Benrey just looks at him. “I mean, this is my fault for sure, I’m a dumbass but it’s just like--you _always_ sleep on the couch, I didn’t realize...fuuuuck. You must be pissed at me.”

Benrey smirks tiredly. “Gordon Feetman Top 10 Fail Moments.” He opens his mouth and spits out a short couple of notes of Sweet Voice--pink to gray. It’s okay? Gordon thinks that’s what that means, anyway.

...He isn’t upset. Huh.

“Yeah, add it to your cringe compilation, whatever. Listen--you can uh, you can have my bed until your arm heals. I’d offer you Josh’s bed, at least when he’s not staying over, but it’s kind of...child-sized.” Yeah, Benrey’s six foot and change lanky frame would definitely not fit. Hell, even if he shapeshifted to be shorter--something Gordon isn’t sure is advisable when you have broken bones--he still might not fit. Gordon’s only 5’4” and he knows _he_ wouldn’t fit.

He sighs, surveying the couch. Benrey hasn’t yet responded to his offer. “...My back’s not gonna like me after this, but…”

Finally, now, Benrey speaks up. “Huh? The hell are you talking about?”

Oh, right. Aches and pains aren’t things that an invulnerable alien would normally experience. Gordon grimaces. “Well, y’know. Sleeping on the couch isn’t great for your back...well, my back. I guess you usually don’t have any problems when you’re not hurt. But it kind of makes me sore as hell.”

Benrey just seems even more confused now. “...Seems like it would be kinda dumb of you to sleep on the couch then. Why’re you doing that? You got a bed, bro.”

Was he not listening at all? Gordon resists the urge to tear his hair out. “I--Benrey, pay attention. I wouldn’t be in my bed because I’m offering it to you so you can sleep and like--heal.”

Silence.

“...Oh sorry I didn’t know you were too much of a coward to share a bed with your epic close friend Benrey,” Benrey says eventually. “Too scared to put your Minecraft bed next to mine, Feetman?”

“Huh--no! I’m not--I’m not _scared--_ ”

“Oh yeah? Prove it.”

Gordon glares at him. “Fine! I will, then.” 

Later, when they’re both in bed on opposite sides of the mattress, Benrey’s back turned to Gordon and his hair spread out across one of Gordon’s pillows, Gordon stares at the ceiling and wonders how the hell he got himself into this mess. He spends far too long trying to calm his racing heart and not listen too closely to Benrey’s deep, even breathing before he manages to actually fall asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> frenreys can have little a bed sharing... as a treat
> 
> the response to this fic has been incredible i !!! legit tear up whenever i read my comments i appreciate every single one of y'all so much omg ,,, 
> 
> also i have some art to share! here are a couple sketches i did just to illustrate my headcanons for benrey and gordon. benrey is tall and lanky asf while gordon is short and stocky with dadbod  
> https://taak-os.tumblr.com/post/620507881249308672/gordon-and-benrey-sketchy-headcanons-for-my
> 
> aaand this chapter's song was leopard by jack stauber!


	4. Chapter 4

Waking the next morning is...not a pleasant experience. Something’s pressing against his throat, making it hard to breathe, and he’s surprised he didn’t wake up _before_ its hold on him started to tighten, because whatever it is is also hard and rough-textured, and--Gordon panics, blindly lashing out. His elbow hits something soft and warm, and a soft wheeze meets his ears as the thing’s grip on him loosens...Wait, this is. Benrey’s cast. Oh. Uh. What?

“Feetman bein’ mean to me again,” Benrey whines into his shoulder. “Your elbows are sharp what the hell...how does that even work you’re so like--soft and not-sharp…”

Gordon carefully moves Benrey’s broken arm to rest on his side instead so it’s less uncomfortably close to his neck as he takes a few moments to try to gather his thoughts, feeling disoriented and flustered. His brain helpfully decides to especially take note of the fact that Benrey hasn’t moved away yet and that they’re literally spooning right now, which does nothing to keep his heart from trying to beat its way out of his chest.

“You--you were trying to choke me in your fucking sleep!” Gordon manages eventually, glad he actually strung something together that makes sense. Benrey just hums sleepily and nuzzles against the nape of Gordon’s neck, sending unexpectedly pleasant shivers down his spine, and--okay, okay, he’s. He’s not fully awake. Of course he’s not. Gordon’s alarm hasn’t even gone off yet, so it’s even earlier than Gordon normally gets up, which means that Benrey wouldn’t be caught dead waking up this early.

Just as he’s thinking this, his alarm goes off, and Benrey whines, doing his level best to snuggle closer to Gordon as if trying to hide from the noise that way. Gordon sighs, extricating himself from the alien’s grip with no small amount of effort, and shuts off his alarm. Immediately, Benrey rolls over onto his other side, wrapping himself in the blanket in the process. So...as usual, he won’t be getting up until Gordon’s ready to make breakfast, then. Alright, that’s fine. More normal than yesterday was, anyway, Benrey’s just...sleeping in a different place than usual.

Oh--wait. Gordon nudges Benrey gently to wake him up a little more, garnering an actual hiss from him. “Hey, don’t forget, I’m picking up Joshua today. So maybe like...get a shower?” He’s pretty sure Benrey didn’t shower yesterday, which is--well, it happens. Gordon forgets sometimes, too. “...Don’t get your cast wet, though. It’ll get fucked up if you do. Maybe get a bath, actually, so you can keep it out of the water…”

Benrey groans something that could be interpreted as “shut the hell up”, and Gordon figures that’s the best he’s going to get out of him until noon.

* * *

Joshua’s kindergarten doesn’t let out until afternoon, which gives Benrey some time to wake up before Gordon goes to pick him up. Probably a good thing, as the first thing the little guy does when he steps inside the house is throw himself at Benrey for an enthusiastic hug, with a shout of “Benny!” The “r” is still escaping him as of yet, but Gordon’s sure he’ll get it eventually.

It was weird, at first, seeing how well Joshua and Benrey get along, but...well, Benrey’s surprisingly good with kids. Or at least, he’s good with Joshua. Gordon can see him wince as Joshua bumps his cast, but he still leans down to put his good arm around the kid. It’s both silly and endearing, seeing him practically fold himself in half in order to properly hug a small child.

Predictably, Joshua both notices and is very curious about Benrey’s cast, and starts putting his hands all over it. “Benny, what’s this? Buh...Bub...Bubby...was...h-here,” he sounds out, running his fingers under the most eye-catching of the messages. 

“The doctors decided I was too OP so they nerfed me,” Benrey says immediately, and Joshua makes a face at him like he’s trying to figure out what that means. 

Gordon rolls his eyes. “Don’t _lie_ to my son, Benrey. Joshie, Benrey fell down and hurt his arm, so the doctors put a cast on it to protect it and help him get better.” Seeing Joshua begin to look distraught that Benrey got hurt, he hastily continues. “Benrey’s _fine,_ he just has to wear a cast for a while. You can draw on it later if you want to, it’s fun. See? Tommy drew Sunkist.” He points out the little doodle, and Joshua claps. He’s a big fan of Sunkist. The--the dog, not the soda. He’d probably like the soda, too, but he’s not allowed to have soda yet--too much sugar and caffeine.

Joshua-meltdown averted, Gordon relaxes a bit, shaking his head fondly at the way Josh clings to Benrey’s good hand. “I’m gonna go start lunch. You want pizza rolls, Joshua?” His question is answered with vigorous nodding on Joshua’s part, which he expected. They don’t have pizza rolls too often since they’re like, definitely, one hundred percent junk food, but he figures--what the hell, why not? Benrey seems excited about pizza rolls too, actually. Gordon hopes he’ll never have to hear Benrey say “poggers” out loud with his mouth ever again, though. 

Benrey and Joshua settle down on the couch with the Switch as they normally do while Gordon heads to the kitchen, Joshua insisting that Benrey watch him play whatever game it is he’s into recently. The hefty sum of hush money he got from the Black Mesa Incident means that not only does he not have to work (at least for a while...he’s probably going to pick something up eventually), but he’s pretty much okay with getting Joshua whatever games he wants as long as it’s nothing too scary or violent. He smiles a little as he puts the pizza rolls in the oven, listening to Joshua chatter away at Benrey.

* * *

Things are...normal, for the rest of the day? Things have _been_ normal for a while now. Almost to the point where it wraps back around to being weird again, Gordon reflects, seated on the couch with Benrey and Joshua as they all watch some dumb kids’ comedy flick. Benrey tried to _kill_ him once, and now here he is, lounging on Gordon’s couch next to Gordon’s son with his arm in a cast as he makes fun of Adam Sandler’s bad jokes.

...Okay, so the killing thing wasn’t _actually_ Benrey’s idea. Gordon still doesn’t fully understand it, but they’ve had a conversation or two about it--or as close to a conversation as Benrey gets, and he’s pretty sure the skeleton had something to do with it? But he’s still not clear on whether it, like...controlled Benrey’s actions, or what. Sometimes he’s not even sure Benrey himself knows. But--the point is. Benrey’s an ass, and he lives to annoy Gordon, but Gordon...is fairly sure he’s not actually a bad person. God, he should be sure of that, if he’s letting Benrey hang out with Joshua at all.

This is...too much thinking for right now. He’s tired...probably thanks to his rude awakening this morning. Gordon changes his position so that he can slump down against the couch cushions a little more. He’s just going to rest his eyes for a minute.

He wakes up to a darkened living room, the TV off, and Joshua and Benrey nowhere to be found. There’s also...a blanket on him. He didn’t have a blanket before. Gordon scrambles to his feet, fighting down panic, and he’s about to call out for Joshua when he hears the muffled sound of Benrey’s voice. It’s...coming from Joshua’s room? Gordon blinks. Is...Benrey putting Joshua to bed?

Hardly believing his own ears, Gordon creeps down the hallway towards Joshua’s half-open door, and...yeah, Benrey is clearly reading Joshua a bedtime story.

“--and then the wolf was all like ‘ohhhh I’m gonna huff and puff and blow your cringe house down’ but the wolf was dumb because like, this was the only pig who knew what to build a house out of. Bricks. It’s bricks. Josh these pigs are so dumb why’d they build their houses out of like hay and sticks…” Gordon can hear Joshua giggling softly, and he leans against the doorframe just out of view, smiling to himself. “Anyway he can’t do it because bricks are heavy,” Benrey continues. “So he ragequits and decides he’s totally gonna climb down the chimney and--and fix his kill-death ratio. But the pigs are like ohhh fail wolf gonna climb down the chimney? We’re just gonna like, light the fire, idiot. And then his tail catches on fire and he runs away like the lil’ noob he is, and the pig with the brick house wins play of the game. The end.” 

“Benny, sing? Please?” Joshua pipes up as Benrey closes the storybook and sets it aside.

Huh. When did Benrey show him the Sweet Voice? Because that’s surely what he means by “sing”. He hears Benrey sigh. “Fine. But only ‘cause you used the cheat code.”

Gordon peers around the doorframe when he hears the Sweet Voice, curious about the colors. Thankfully, Joshua’s eyes are closed, and it almost seems like he passed out the moment Benrey started singing. Makes sense, though, since Gordon’s pretty sure that yellow to red means go to bed, and Benrey’s Sweet Voice is calming enough when he’s _not_ specifically trying to make anyone sleep.

It doesn’t last too long--probably because Benrey didn’t need to use it much to get Joshua to fall asleep, and then there’s silence for a minute or two as he just...sits there, presumably watching Joshua sleep to make sure he’s out for good. Then he gets to his feet and--oh, right, he’s going to leave now, shit.

Gordon backs away from the door and makes his way back to the living room as quickly and as quietly as he can, sitting back down on the couch just as Benrey returns. He tries to look like he’s just woken up, rubbing his eyes and stretching a little, but from the way Benrey’s glowing eyes pierce through him, Gordon doesn’t think the act is very convincing.

“...Y’know you don’t have to fuckin’ spy on me, man,” Benrey says, sitting down next to him. “Just figured I’d put Joshua to bed since you’re too much of a loser dad to stop snoring long enough to do it.”

“I--I wasn’t _spying,_ ” Gordon protests. “I woke up and you guys were gone and I’ll admit, okay, I was kind of worried at first because that’s just--that’s just what happens when I don’t know where my kid is! I was--I was listening to your rendition of the three little pigs. It was, uh, creative.” He pauses. “...What are you doing?”

“Huh?” Benrey doesn’t look up. He’s digging at the edge of his cast, apparently trying to work a hand inside of it for some reason.

Gordon reaches out to grab his wrist, which earns him a glare. “Stop. Why are you doing that? The cast has to stay _on_ or you won’t heal right.”

Benrey whines petulantly. “It’s itchy though like come on...am I supposed to just not scratch it?” He doesn’t try to pull his wrist away, but Gordon keeps holding onto it for good measure.

“You--you can’t put anything _in_ the cast, okay? You could hurt yourself or break it or something…I know it sucks, but it’s only for a couple months, and the itch is gonna go away anyway. I uh--I’ve heard it helps if you _gently_ tap on the outside of the cast right over where your itch is…”

“Uh-huh.” Benrey doesn’t sound like he’s paying attention. He turns his wrist over in Gordon’s grasp, and Gordon’s fully prepared for him to try to slip out of his hold like a disobedient child, but. Instead, he feels Benrey’s long fingers wrap tentatively around his own wrist, and his heart seems to skip a beat.

They sit there for--what feels like far too long, Gordon with his heart in his throat, and Benrey looking infuriatingly inscrutable while he just--gently holds Gordon’s hand. Finally, Gordon can’t take it anymore and lets go, clearing his throat. “Uh. Considering I passed out on the couch before...I’m gonna turn in. Uh, join me whenever, I guess? Just--can you--I don’t know if you have any control over this, but...try not to choke me out in your sleep again tonight, if you can? Thanks.”

He waits for a moment, but Benrey doesn’t respond. Gordon eventually decides no response is forthcoming, and retreats to his room, leaving Benrey sitting on the couch staring at his own palm.

Several hours later, Benrey slips into Gordon’s room and crawls into bed next to the sleeping man. He tries to give Gordon some space--it’s weird to be all up in his personal bubble when he’s unconscious like this--but it’s hard when he’s sprawled across the mattress like a fuckin’. Uh. Something that sprawls. Cat? Sure. It’s even more difficult when apparently, Gordon’s sleeping mind has decided that Benrey would be a very warm and comfortable thing to hold, and latches onto him like he’s a fuckin’ body pillow. At least he has proof it was Feetman’s fault this time, he thinks as Gordon snores quietly into his shirt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> joshua time !!!  
> also check it out !! fanart! by kingtommychatterbox on tumblr!!!  
> https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/461085162395009026/720506197828042762/image0.png
> 
> i have no idea how to write a 5 year old child sorry if it was weird :x i had a lot of fun writing the 3 little pigs gamer version though
> 
> listened to the song yeah by heyrocco during this chapter :)


	5. Chapter 5

Over the next few weeks, Gordon gets used to sharing his bed every night. Or, well--rather, he gets used to waking up tangled in Benrey’s absurdly long limbs every morning, sometimes by getting smacked in the head with the other’s cast, which is annoying, but not really Benrey’s fault. He’s...pretty much accepted that no matter how carefully he allocates each side of his mattress, at least one of them is obviously a sleep cuddler. It’s not like Benrey is forcing him to give up his bed, either. He did offer it in the first place, and Benrey doesn’t mind sharing--basically goaded him into it, in fact. Plus, it’s definitely preferable to giving himself chronic back problems at 27 to avoid cuddling with his roommate.

Sometimes he wakes up in the night with Benrey curled around him like a cat, the alien’s slow breaths stirring his hair, and admits to himself that maybe he’s okay with getting used to this.

Tonight, Gordon wakes up at about three in the morning to his bed still empty. Benrey’s been going to bed earlier now, sometimes even turning in at the same time as Gordon, so...it’s kind of weird that he isn’t here yet. At least this means he doesn’t have to pry Benrey off of him so he can go to the bathroom.

He’s about to return to his bed, feeling too groggy to go looking for Benrey, even putting aside the fact that if he went to get Benrey and bring him to bed--well. Benrey would probably just make fun of him for being lonely, or gay, or something. As he steps into the doorway of his room, though, he hears--was that a sob? Today isn’t one of his days, Joshua-wise, so that really leaves only one possibility. Is Benrey...crying?

Gordon pauses. As much as he wants to say he doesn’t give a shit if Benrey is crying, the way his heart twists when he considers just leaving him and going back to bed says otherwise. He sighs, more exasperated with himself than anything, and shuffles out into the living room, still only half-awake. 

Benrey is sitting in the middle of the floor, his knees drawn up to his chest with his good arm folded on top of them and his head buried in the crook of his own elbow. His broken arm is hanging limply, his wrist brushing the carpet, and his body shakes every so often with barely-suppressed sobs. Gordon immediately decides this is fucked-up to witness. He’s never seen Benrey this upset before--even during the final fight in Xen, Benrey seemed more annoyed than anything.

A surprisingly strong desire to sweep Benrey into his arms and comfort him suddenly washes over Gordon, and he reels a little. That’s a normal reaction to seeing someone crying, though, right? Yeah. It occurs to him that he probably wouldn’t feel that way if he saw a random stranger crying, but he steadfastly ignores that thought, carefully approaching Benrey to crouch next to him like he’s trying to gain the trust of a skittish animal.

“Benrey,” he says softly, and Benrey stills, but doesn’t look at him. “Hey man it’s, it’s cool uh. We all...have our moments sometimes,” Gordon continues a little awkwardly. He is... _ not  _ awake enough to deal with this, but apparently he’s going to try anyway. “What’s wrong?” Benrey looks up, now, his eyes shining in the darkness as he stares at Gordon. The black streaks under his eyes make it look like his mascara is running--though Gordon knows he doesn’t wear mascara. Finally, he resolutely presses his lips shut and shakes his head. “Might help you to talk about it,” Gordon coaxes. “Promise I won’t tell anyone, just, y’know, get it off your chest or whatever.”

Benrey still doesn’t reply, and Gordon’s about to give up and back off, but. He finally does open his mouth. No words come out, though, just a bout of Sweet Voice that starts off teal and lightens into a white that’s almost blinding in the darkness. It cuts off abruptly as Benrey claps a hand over his own mouth. Did he not mean to do that?

As Gordon blinks away the afterimage of the Sweet Voice, he turns the colors over in his mind. He’s a quick study, and he...has maybe been asking Tommy to let him know more about how the Sweet Voice translations work, out of pure curiosity. Starting out teal and fading into another color can mean a feeling, but--he’s never seen white before. What does white rhyme with? It  _ does  _ rhyme with alright, but Gordon dismisses that translation--Benrey is definitely not feeling alright, and it  _ could  _ just mean he doesn’t feel alright, but--there hadn’t been anything in there to imply a negative...

...Oh.

Carefully, Gordon scoots closer, and Benrey averts his gaze, his hand still pressed to his mouth like he’s afraid more Sweet Voice will spill out unbidden. “...You’re afraid,” he says quietly. Benrey flinches like he’s been struck, his breath hitching with another stifled sob. Inky-black tears well up in his eyes, solving the mystery of the streaks staining his cheeks. Gordon hesitates for a moment, but--ah, fuck it. It’s late, and Benrey’s scared for god knows what reason, and he doesn’t  _ care  _ if this is weird right now. He holds his arms out to Benrey in silent invitation, and he’s only a little surprised when Benrey actually accepts the hug, practically collapsing against Gordon’s chest. His good hand clutches at Gordon’s shirt as he buries his damp face in Gordon’s shoulder, shuddering.

Gordon doesn’t think he’s any closer to understanding what’s wrong, really. What could  _ Benrey  _ be afraid of? He’s definitely never seen Benrey scared before. It doesn’t feel great. He grimaces at the feeling of Benrey’s tears soaking into his shirt--with his luck, that’s definitely gonna stain--but holds him close regardless, petting through Benrey’s hair with his left hand.

Finally, Benrey gasps out, “Got hurt--’s not s’posed to happen I got like--godmode over here…Feels--feels pretty not-epic. Getting hurt doesn’t--doesn’t fuckin’ happen to me bro I’m too--too good for that shit and even if it did I heal fast as fuck but it’s not healing it’s not healing  _ it’s not--”  _ He cuts himself off with another sob.

That...okay, you know what? That’s fair. Benrey’s used to being practically invincible. Getting really hurt for the first time  _ is  _ a scary experience, it’s just one that happens to most people when they’re a lot younger than Benrey is. Except…

“Uh,” Gordon says. “Didn’t you die?”

Benrey lifts his head to glare at him. “‘That was a  _ boss fight _ , ‘n I didn’t die. I’m a--I’m a gamer. I respawned. Got better. Fuckin’...fail arm isn’t getting better though and it’s--don’t like it.”

...Sure. Okay, so Benrey’s treating the final battle in Xen like it was the climax of a video game. Is that why he’s so much more freaked out about this? Because it’s such an ordinary injury? Gordon sighs, pulling Benrey closer, and the alien leaves off glaring at him to lay his head on Gordon’s shoulder instead.

“...Hey, you’re gonna be alright,” Gordon says eventually. “Your--your arm  _ is  _ healing, I promise, just...not as quickly as you’re used to. Broken bones take a couple months to heal, normally, so...just--just hang in there, and don’t pull anymore dumbass skateboard stunts.”

Benrey doesn’t say anything for a while, his face pressed against Gordon’s shirt, but his grip on the fabric slowly loosens as Gordon continues to stroke his hair. How the hell did Benrey ever fit all this under his helmet? he wonders, carding his fingers through the soft, thick waves. 

“...Kinda gay of you,” Benrey mumbles, finally letting go of Gordon’s shirt entirely and draping his arm around Gordon’s neck instead. “Gaydon Feetman…”

Well, at least he’s feeling better, and--yeah, okay, maybe Gordon himself would be more inclined to say that having Benrey practically in his lap is gay if the guy wasn’t crying like two minutes ago. Comforting a crying person isn’t gay. Gordon’s about to jab back when he feels long fingers weave their way into the hair near the nape of his neck, and he instantly forgets whatever he was going to say as Benrey’s fingertips graze his scalp. Benrey sits up a little, combing his fingers delicately through Gordon’s bedhead, and Gordon’s breath catches in his throat as an uncomfortably fluttery warmth fills his chest.

All too soon, though, Benrey takes his hand out of Gordon’s hair, and he just barely catches himself before he can whine like some sort of pathetic idiot at the loss of the feeling. “Sitting on the floor is sucks,” Benrey says, sliding off of Gordon’s lap and getting to his feet. Gordon can’t say he doesn’t agree. It’s really fucking late at night, anyway, and he’s determined to keep his sleep schedule mostly on track even if he’s unemployed at the moment. So he nods, standing as well with a grunt as his knees protest, and follows Benrey to their room.

Wait.  _ His  _ room. Not their room. Benrey’s only staying in there temporarily.

When Benrey flops down in the middle of the bed and splays out like he’s trying to take up as much space as possible, smirking up at Gordon like he’s daring him to do something about it, Gordon isn’t sure whether he’s surprised or not. On one hand, Benrey’s been pretty respectful about his personal space while they’re sharing a bed, at least when they’re awake. But...on the other, given that they just had an extremely sentimental moment, it also makes sense that Benrey’s next move would be to do something to try to piss him off. Like, to make up for it or something.

Gordon decides that a reaction is probably what he wants, so instead of getting angry, he just. Lays down right on top of Benrey.

“Yo stop, you’re gonna--gonna crush me with your fat ass,” Benrey says, snaking his left arm around Gordon’s waist. Wait, shit, maybe he just did exactly what Benrey wanted him to. “Dude you’re always so mean to me...always hating on me and shit what’s your problem…” He turns onto his side, easily shifting Gordon’s weight to take him with him, which completely contradicts his claim from thirty seconds ago that Gordon was crushing him. Fuck, yeah, Gordon definitely walked right into his trap.

...It’s...kind of a warm, comfortable, snuggly trap though, so Gordon’s not too mad about it. He’s too tired to be mad at all, really. “G’night,” he mumbles into Benrey’s shoulder, and is out like a light not long after.

(His shirt is ruined, he finds out the next day. Whatever Benrey’s tears are made out of, it does not seem to wash out of fabric well. Or at all, really.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it was,,, really hard to write sad benrey without making him too uuh. idk  
> not-benrey?  
> also !! heres some sweet frenrey cuddles art by shy berri on the wayneradiotv discord server!!  
> https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/704785976722981024/720874587419574272/0611202232a.jpg
> 
> anyways PLS never be shy to comment i love all comments ... even if all u do is keysmash i will be so happy i promise bc i know u enjoy it. .. i jus have comment moderation on because a) i get to review comments first and b) it help me see them better rather than remembering to check my inbox
> 
> think i listened to fine, great by modern baseball while writing this one


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i would apologize but i think we all know i don't mean it

It isn’t until it’s time for Benrey’s cast to come off that Gordon realizes how fucked he really is. Okay, that's not true actually. Even then, he doesn’t realize right away, because he’s an idiot.

Getting the cast off goes fairly well, although Benrey doesn’t seem exactly thrilled to be back at the hospital. Gordon decides not to comment on the fact that he looks paler than usual, or on the way Benrey clutches subconsciously at Gordon’s arm with his free hand as the electric saw cuts into his cast. He’s--pretty sure the doctor assumed them to be a couple? Which is, uh. It’s a thing. But Gordon would rather be able to keep an eye on Benrey so he doesn’t freak out, so he doesn’t say anything to dispel this assumption.

Things are fine when they get home, too--Benrey can finally play video games with both hands again, and he manages to rope Gordon into playing a few rounds of Mario Kart after dinner. Predictably, Gordon loses almost every race, and if he does win it’s usually through pure luck, like an NPC throwing a blue shell at the last minute and fucking Benrey’s shit up. It’s fun, though, and Benrey just seems happy to finally have the use of both of his hands back, even if he still winces when he moves his right arm a little too quickly.

Even when it’s getting late enough for him to start thinking about going to bed and Gordon realizes this means Benrey’s going to return to sleeping on the couch--he still convinces himself he’s relieved to have his bed to himself again, ignoring the way his heart sinks. 

Two nights later, curled up in his bed alone with a hollow ache filling his chest, Gordon finally admits to himself that this  _ sucks.  _ He actually misses having Benrey sleeping in his bed. Is he really  _ that  _ lonely? Christ, Gordon, pull it the fuck together.

But, no, obviously he is, because here he is, awake at two in the morning and fighting back tears because his annoying roommate isn’t here to sleep-spoon him and steal his covers. It’s possibly the most pathetic thing he’s ever done. It’s just--when he wakes up in the middle of the night, panicking because of a half-remembered nightmare, it’s comforting to hear Benrey’s slow breathing and occasional unintelligible mumbling. It’s--it’s not like the cuddling was bad, either. It was actually pretty good, if he’s being honest. Benrey’s frame fits against his surprisingly well.

...He is so fucked.

* * *

Things aren’t...good? Lately? Benrey has no idea what changed, except for his cast coming off, but Gordon seemed pretty happy to play Mario Kart with him that first night, so. It can’t be that. He even decided to respect Gordon’s personal space for once and go back to sleeping on the couch without asking. Gordon should be  _ happy  _ about that! But he’s not. He’s--he looks tired all the time, and he’s being mean to Benrey again for no reason, and it makes  _ no fucking sense! _

Benrey growls in frustration, pacing the kitchen in circles like an angry lion. The sun’s going to be rising soon, but he doesn’t give a shit. This wouldn’t be the first all-nighter he’s pulled, and he doesn’t feel like sleeping. He just wants to figure out how to _fix_ this. 

Suddenly, he stops in his tracks, a sudden, horrible clarity coming over him.

Gordon’s never really wanted him here.

Benrey barged in and made himself at home on Gordon’s couch without permission, and while at the time he just didn’t have a place to stay and decided to make it someone else’s problem, he’s come to enjoy living here. It’s unbelievably nice to have Gordon laughing and joking with him rather than yelling at him to fuck off or trying to shoot him out of frustration, and he thought maybe Gordon was starting to actually like having him here, too. It was surprising enough when Gordon offered his bed to Benrey just to keep him from having to sleep on the couch with a broken arm.

But...maybe Gordon’s finally, finally reached his limit. Maybe he’s finally remembered how much Benrey sucks and wants him gone, and he knows it won’t work if he asks, so he’s just putting up with it. Benrey’s heart twists, and a few notes of Sweet Voice dribble out of his mouth unbidden, black orbs drifting up to the ceiling and fading from existence.

...He’s pretty far gone if he’s actually considering moving out just to make Gordon happy. Benrey sits down in the middle of the kitchen floor and spends the next few hours contemplating his life choices, until he hears the shower turn on and retreats to the living room to pretend to be asleep.

Later that day, Benrey’s sitting on the couch playing Splatoon when Gordon sits next to him. He makes a decision, keeping his eyes trained on the screen as he speaks.

“I’ve been--I’ve been kinda thinking,” he starts, “it’d be pretty dope to have like a--a human apartment or some shit.” He doesn’t look at Gordon, although he’s not really paying attention to his gameplay either as the other team starts to gain ground. “Get a--get a gamer pad and a fuckin’ gamer chair and a gamer headset...Um.” His character dies in a splatter of ink, and Benrey hardly notices. “I’m--I’m gonna--like, find a place to live. Your--your couch smells like ass and I’m kinda getting sick of it so…”

Gordon doesn’t say anything for a long time, and Benrey, still too much of a coward to look at him, wonders if Gordon even heard him, but--

“Took you long enough,” Gordon says, and the despair that swallows Benrey is so overwhelming that he doesn’t notice how hollow Gordon’s voice sounds. “I was--I was wondering how long you were going to crash on my couch for. Finally got bored of pissing me off all the time?” 

“Yeah you’re actually pretty fuckin’ boring, like, you don’t even game or anything it’s pretty suck,” Benrey says, glad that his well-practiced monotone and blank expression are apparently good enough to cover the fact that his stupid cringe heart feels like it’s breaking in two. Feelings are the worst, he decides.

There’s silence for a moment before Gordon speaks again. “You, um, you already got a place in mind, then?”

Fuck, Gordon really does want him gone, huh? Benrey shakes his head. “Nah, I still gotta--gotta find the perfect uhhhh Benreycave. Just--just wanted to give you a headsup, Feetman. Something to look forward to, since you don’t give a shit about E3.”

The entire conversation feels very forced, at least on Benrey’s end. Hopefully Gordon can’t hear it in his voice. He’s relieved when Gordon doesn’t respond, and leaves him on the couch by himself less than thirty minutes later.

Once he’s alone, Benrey stares unblinking at the controller in his hands for so long the Switch goes into sleep mode, feeling numb.

* * *

Of course Benrey wants to move out now. Of course he does. Because the universe fucking hates Gordon Freeman and wants to make him miserable. At first, he hated having Benrey here, but now that he’s accepted it and even come to enjoy the alien’s company, of course that’s being torn away from him, and just--Christ! This sucks!!

Benrey actually  _ asked  _ to use his computer to apartment-hunt, rather than simply guessing Gordon’s password or fucking--hacking it with his weird powers, and that’s. He didn’t say  _ please  _ or anything, but he did ask rather than just doing, and that was weird! Not like him at all. Gordon is out of his mind, he must be, because he’s not only devastated by the idea of  _ Benrey  _ of all people moving out, he’s actually _complaining_ about Benrey being polite _because it’s out of character for him_. He’s so frustrated with himself he could scream.

That’s maybe the weirdest single thing about this, but the whole situation is weird, honestly. It’s weird seeing Benrey hunched over his laptop on the couch, concentration furrowing his brow, rather than simply lounging with a controller in his hands. He’s hardly been playing games  _ at all  _ in the week since he announced his plans to move out, actually, and he’s been uncharacteristically quiet in general. He won’t even join Gordon for meals anymore, although Gordon still makes extra for him and puts it in the fridge in containers labeled “Benrey”, which seem to disappear on their own. 

The only time he wasn’t weird was during Joshua’s weekly 3-day visit, actually, and Gordon’s pretty sure he was specifically acting less distant in order to avoid making his son cry. It made his heart ache either way.

Joshua left yesterday, and Benrey’s gone right back to avoiding the hell out of Gordon today, and it’s driving him crazy. It’s--it’s objectively really selfish to ask Benrey to stay, if he really wants to move out, but Gordon can’t take it anymore. He has to  _ try  _ at least.

So, tonight, instead of cooking dinner and having a sad meal by himself while he waits in vain and hopes Benrey will come “steal” a portion, Gordon orders pizza.

Benrey’s actually playing a game again tonight--the Doom remake for PS4, Gordon thinks--and he jumps slightly when Gordon plops down on the couch next to him. “Didn’t feel like cooking tonight, so I ordered pizza,” he explains. “I got you your nasty anchovy pizza--still can’t understand why you like that shit.”

He’s expecting Benrey to jab right back at him, but no insults are forthcoming. Instead, Benrey simply nods, pressing his lips together in a thin line. Gordon holds back the urge to break something because he is a grown-ass man who is not going to be held at the mercy of his feelings.

They sit in silence until the pizza arrives, at which point Gordon grabs paper plates and sodas for both of them and they...continue to sit in silence. Benrey’s picking listlessly at his slice, while Gordon tries not to bite into his own pizza too viciously. He’s so fucking over this!!

Finally, he sets his plate on the coffee table and speaks, just as Benrey does.

“Benrey, I need to tell you something--”

“Hey Gordo I got a fuckin’ Benrey Direct to lay on you--”

They both stop. Gordon pauses, takes a deep breath. Benrey hasn’t said much to him over the past week or so. It’s probably best to let him go first, because god knows when he’s going to talk again. “Okay. You--you first, then,” he says stiffly. He hopes this is important.

“I got a place. I’m uh--they said I can move in on Thursday.”

Gordon tightens his grip on his soda can, and it crumples, spraying Dr. Pepper onto his lap and the couch. “Cool,” he says, ignoring the bewildered look Benrey gives him. He stands up. 

“Wait--wait bro what were you gonna say,” Benrey says almost desperately, and Gordon shrugs.

“I forgot,” he lies through his teeth. “Guess it wasn’t that important. I’m--I’m gonna turn in early.” He leaves before Benrey can say anything else, whipping the now-empty and mangled can he’s holding into the trash so hard that the plastic bin wobbles on his way to his room.

He doesn’t slam the door, but it’s a near thing, and as he collapses onto his mattress and buries his face in his pillow, Gordon  _ really  _ hopes he’s not crying loudly enough for Benrey to hear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which gordon deals with his emotions by getting angry
> 
> here's some art of benrey cast that might help you all feel better. maybe. by benreyredacted/avemarts on twitter!!!  
> https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/719461591753687142/721111186237554718/Untitled_Artwork_15.png
> 
> i just wanted to say again tysm for all of your kind comments!!! i love all of u so much and u guys are like. .. at least half of my motivation to keep going with this fic. im not sure how far i wouldve gotten by now if it wasnt for all of the positive attention this has gotten so!!! thank you ... i don't know how to even express my gratitude to everyone who's left comments and kudos on my fic. we're not even at the end im just super sentimental rn :,)
> 
> i didn't actually listen to ghosting by mother mother during this chapter but i should have because it is way more heartbreaking that way! i think i listened to aberdeen by cage the elephant here


	7. Chapter 7

Things get worse, somehow, in the two days since Benrey’s announcement on Monday that he’s found a place to stay. Gordon seems to flip-flop between irate and reserved in turns, and Benrey’s almost relieved that he doesn’t see much of Gordon since he seems to be spending so much time in his room. It’s not like he doesn’t know Gordon has a temper, but...well, Benrey hasn’t seen him _this_ pissy since Black Mesa. 

He plays video games during the day still, since for some reason, any deviation from his normal behavior seems liable to set Gordon off. The weirdest part is that Gordon’s anger is never--directed at anything. He’s a lot shorter with Benrey than he has been for months, but he doesn’t ever actually come right out and scream at Benrey like he used to in Black Mesa when he was fighting for his life and Benrey was playing the nonchalant asshole. Riling Gordon up so that he’d have a reason to hate Benrey once the final fight was triggered.

Benrey isn’t sure it’s _better_ that Gordon isn’t yelling at him. He almost wishes he would--at least that would be familiar. At least he knows how to react to Gordon yelling at him. This is--this is entirely uncharted territory, and he doesn’t know what to _do._ He’s moving out as fast as he can, but it’s not good enough that he’s going to be leaving tomorrow, apparently. What’s he doing _wrong?_

Anyway--he may still play games during the day, but at night, once Gordon’s gone to bed, Benrey’s taken to lying face down on the couch and wallowing in his misery. It’s a pretty new hobby of his, but one that he seems to take to naturally. He’s doing it right now and it’s going just about as well as wallowing can.

Suddenly, a scream shatters the silence, and Benrey startles, falling off the couch.

The moment it registers that the sound came from Gordon’s room he’s up and moving, at Gordon’s door in a matter of seconds. He hasn’t entered this room without Gordon’s permission in months, but he doesn’t hesitate to do so now, thankful once he enters that he can see in the dark because it’s a fucking mess in here and he would definitely trip over something and die if he had human vision. _Damn bitch, you live like this?_ Benrey’s brain supplies helpfully, and he just barely holds back the hysterical laughter that bubbles up in his throat.

Benrey doesn’t pay much more attention to the state of Gordon’s room, his attention focused entirely on the man himself. He’s pretty obviously having a nightmare, and it’s got to be a pretty bad one--Benrey can guess what it’s about based on the way he’s writhing and clutching his arm right above his prosthetic, too. He doesn’t have time to mope right now, so he ignores the guilt that washes over him in favor of stepping over the various things strewn all over the floor to reach Gordon’s bedside.

Shaking Gordon awake isn’t likely to end well, with how violently he’s thrashing around. Benrey clears his throat a little before he allows the blue Sweet Voice to slip past his lips. Gordon flinches as the orbs hit his face, trying at first to swat them away, but the calming effect works as it always has on him, and he slowly relaxes, falling still as Benrey continues.

He stops singing and lowers his head, planning on leaving immediately, but Gordon speaks. “...Benrey?” He sounds fucking _awful,_ like he’s been gargling sand or something.

Benrey knows there’s no point in hoping Gordon can’t see him. His eyes literally glow in the dark. “Huh? Yeah I thought I left my PSP in here but it’s probably like in the couch or something so I’m gonna--” He turns, but Gordon grabs his wrist, and he freezes.

“Wait, please, don’t…don’t go.” Benrey’s heart feels like it’s twisting itself into a knot. “...C’mere?” Gordon tugs gently at his wrist, and he can’t do anything other than go willingly, climbing into bed next to Gordon and trying to arrange himself so that he can still give Gordon some space.

Clearly, though, Gordon isn’t interested in personal space, because as soon as Benrey’s settled in, he wraps his arms around Benrey and holds him tight, trembling against him, like he’s afraid he’s going to disappear or something. Benrey isn’t sure what to do, so he just lets this happen. He wonders wildly if Gordon is actually awake, because he never initiates hugs with Benrey while he’s conscious.

It answers his question all too well when Gordon starts sobbing into his shirt, and Benrey finally moves, one arm wrapping itself firmly around Gordon’s waist while he slides his other hand gently through the man’s sweat-soaked hair. Gordon shudders against him as Benrey strokes his hair, but he seems to calm a little, and the way he leans into Benrey’s hand seems to suggest that he definitely doesn’t hate it. Benrey would start humming, but without a specific message in mind, he’s not sure what the Sweet Voice would translate to, so it’s probably better not to risk it.

Gordon’s ragged sobs gradually begin to quiet as they lie there, his grip on Benrey loosening a bit as he calms down. His voice is still hoarse when speaks up again, though it’s a bit muffled since his face is still buried in Benrey’s chest.

“Don’t--don’t go.” Is Gordon actually _pleading_ with him? That nightmare must have _really_ gotten to him. “I can’t--please just stay. Don’t leave…”

“Yeah okay, it’s cool, I’ll crash in here tonight or whatever. Your bed’s comfier than the couch anyway so--” He stops when Gordon vigorously shakes his head, confused.

“That’s--I mean I--yeah that’s good but it’s not what I…” He trails off, then his arms tighten around Benrey again, clinging to him with renewed strength. “Please don’t move out,” Gordon begs him, and Benrey can’t believe his fucking ears. “I know you want to get a fucking--gamer pad or whatever and I know I’m a dick and this is selfish as fuck but I--I don’t want--please just stay…”

“Okay,” Benrey says, feeling lighter than he has in days. Now Gordon does look at him, wide-eyed and incredulous in the dim streetlight filtering through his curtains. Benrey thinks if he says anything else right now, he might start crying himself. Or laughing. Or both--he’s kinda feeling both. Any of those options would be incredibly embarrassing, so he keeps his mouth shut.

Gordon gapes at him for several moments before he seems to find his voice again. “Wha--just like that? I thought--You--you’re supposed to move out tomorrow, didn’t you a-already pay a deposit and everything?”

Benrey shrugs. “Guess so. That’s uh--y’know--I decided landlords uh--” He can’t fucking _think_ right now. “They’re like, part of the enemy faction anyway so giving them money is actually pretty fail and not cool. I changed my mind so uh if they don’t give me my--my IRL Call of Duty Points back I’ll Sweet Voice ‘em ‘til they do.”

Gordon bursts into tears again.

* * *

Benrey stays and comforts Gordon through his second bout of tears as well, and once he’s all cried out, Gordon just...lays there in Benrey’s arms, soaking in the feeling of Benrey’s fingers combing through his hair and scratching lightly against his scalp. He’s _exhausted_ , but he feels so much better. He can’t believe it was that easy--he was getting so worked up over _nothing._ Was that really all he had to do to get Benrey to stay? Just ask?

It’s extremely hard to stay awake and stress over his own stupidity when he’s this tired and Benrey is petting his hair and humming softly in his ear, as it turns out, and Gordon barely notices when he starts to fall asleep.

He wakes in the morning to a faceful of Benrey’s hair and the alien’s knee digging into his bladder, his alarm sounding in the background, and he couldn’t be happier.

Gordon sits up and slaps the off button on his clock, grimacing at the confirmation that yeah, it really _is_ the time of day when he’d normally be getting out of bed. He does feel pretty grody after last night, so a shower at least would probably be refreshing…

It’s as difficult as ever to pry Benrey off of him so he can actually get up, but Gordon doesn’t really mind today. He feels like a weight has been lifted from his chest, and he even hums a little as he washes his hair in the shower. He’s in the middle of trimming his beard when the realization hits him full-force that Benrey’s actually staying, and he’s staying _because Gordon asked him to._ He has no idea how to even _begin_ processing the mix of giddiness and--and _longing_ that wells up inside him, so he just grips the edges of the sink with trembling hands until it passes and he feels like he can continue without accidentally nicking himself.

He considers making breakfast--getting his day started. He is kind of hungry, but...Gordon sighs, tiredness pricking at his eyes, and finds himself heading right back into his room. Benrey’s awake, surprisingly, and his eyes widen a bit when he sees Gordon return, but he budges over silently to let Gordon slip back under the covers next to him. 

“I’m still...really tired,” he explains, laying his head back on his pillow with a sigh. “Think ‘m gonna take a page out of your book and go back to sleep. Um--I froze the leftovers the last time I made pancakes if you want to get yourself something, though…”

Benrey eyes him for a minute or two before finally shaking his head. “I’m good,” he murmurs. Gordon hums in acknowledgement and rolls over, allowing his eyes to drift shut. He’s pretty sure Benrey is still watching him--he can feel eyes on the back of his head if he isn’t just imagining things--but he finds that he doesn’t really care. 

Eventually, Gordon feels Benrey scoot closer to him, feels arms loop around his waist from behind and hold him against Benrey’s chest. He sighs again in contentment, and Benrey presses his face into Gordon’s hair, apparently not bothered by the fact that it’s still damp from the shower. As he falls asleep, Gordon almost thinks he feels Benrey’s chest vibrating against his back--like he’s purring or something, but that’s stupid…

* * *

The next time he wakes up, it’s to the sound of--is. Is that fucking Crazy Frog? 

Gordon barely has time to process that before Benrey sits up, digging his phone out of his pocket and answering it...god, his ringtone is _Crazy Frog._ Gordon lays there and listens as he makes up a half-assed lie to his would-be new landlord about why he isn’t showing up.

“Yeah yeah I just, you know, something came up? League of Legends am I right,” Benrey says, and Gordon just barely holds back his laughter. Benrey doesn’t even _play_ League of Legends. “I--yeah well you know. Tomorrow. Okay. Tomorrow. What time? Uhhhhhhhh well you know. Time is a construct. Tomorrow.” He hangs up, and Gordon starts giggling into his pillow.

“You told them you didn’t move in today because you were playing _League of Legends?”_ he manages to get out, turning to look up at Benrey, who’s giving him a crooked, sharp-toothed grin that makes his heart beat a little faster.

Benrey sets his phone on the bedside table and reaches out to brush Gordon’s hair out of his face, and god, the tenderness of that gesture is--he needs to stop _doing_ things like that. “Huh I don’t--don’t know what you’re talking about,” he says, but he’s still smiling, his hand lingering briefly on Gordon’s cheek before he withdraws it. “You sure you’re not still asleep? LoL sucks I’d never--never even tell anyone I play that garbage as a _joke,_ come on. Can’t believe you’d tell such a huge lie they should call you--should call you Gordon Lieman…”

It feels so good to talk to Benrey again, Gordon just laughs, pure and bright. Benrey seems surprised for a second, but then he starts chuckling too, and the sound makes Gordon want to hug him again--so he does just that. They don’t end up getting out of bed until well past noon, when Gordon finally can’t ignore the fact that he hasn’t eaten all day any longer.

He’s halfway through making an early dinner when he hears Benrey pad up behind him, and a moment later the alien’s arms are draping themselves over his shoulders, Benrey’s chin coming to rest on top of his head as he leans his whole body against Gordon’s back. Sheer surprise causes Gordon to fumble as he stirs the sauce he’s making, dropping the spoon and cursing when boiling liquid splashes his hand.

“Lil’ clumsy boy, aren’t’cha,” Benrey murmurs in his ear, and inexplicably, Gordon feels like things are going to be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gordon's prosthetic is like . directly connected to his nervous system so he cant really take it off. hence why he sleeps with it on. it is surgically attached it does NOT come off
> 
> anyway hopefully i made up for last chapter with the ending of this one!!! i can't believe i broke 300 kudos y'all are incredible omg
> 
> this was the chapter that i actually listened to ghosting by mother mother during! it probably fits this one as well actually


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> slight emetophobia warning for this chapter! no one actually gets sick but there's talk of a past incident of it
> 
> also there is drinking! just as a headsup

Once it’s been established that Benrey isn’t moving out, everything does in fact get a lot better. He’s surprised the first night when Benrey doesn’t ask before following him to bed and climbing into his arms, but. Gordon actually prefers it that way, honestly. He doesn’t want to have a conversation with Benrey about the fact that he’s yearning so badly for affection from another adult that he’ll put up with an alien stealing his blankets if it means he has someone to hold him at night. This is--this is probably not specific to it being Benrey. Right? Even if his hair is soft and his laugh makes Gordon feel like his heart is melting like butter in the sun and his body slots perfectly against Gordon’s--all that is probably just...him being touch-starved. Right?? Why would he be falling for _Benrey_ of all people?

These are the kinds of things he thinks about, zoning out in the shower and staring at the wall for fifteen minutes straight.

The sound of his phone ringing snaps him out of it, and he fumbles to turn off the water, grabbing a towel to dry off his hands and face enough to answer. Fumbling for his glasses, he shoves them onto his face, a quick glance at the caller ID telling him who it is...Hm. He’s not sure whether to be nervous about this or not. On one hand, he’s definitely on good terms with Joshua’s other parent, but on the other...he’s kind of been like, not spending very much time with her? Fuck, he hopes she’s not pissed at him. He takes a deep breath and answers.

“Hey, Callie. What’s up?”

“Gordon.” He winces a little at her tone. “You know it’s literally been two months since we’ve spent any time together, and over six months since you’ve even invited me over, right? I told you I don’t care if you have a weird roommate; he can’t be _that_ bad if you’re letting him stay. I know you, and I know you wouldn’t let anyone shitty be around Joshua, but I still want to meet him.”

She...probably had that planned out and ready to go the moment he picked up the phone, huh. Gordon towels himself dry as she gives him her mini-lecture, feeling guilty. Callie’s like, his only friend nowadays other than the Science Team--and no, she isn't his ex, thankfully. Uh. He wouldn’t even call the one-night-stand that resulted in Joshua unfortunate, honestly? Like it was an accident, but not a _mistake._ He loves Joshua, and he can’t imagine his life without the little guy. Anyway, they might be good friends, but he and Callie knew there was no way they’d ever be able to live in the same house without actually murdering each other, so once it was decided that they’d be keeping Joshua, it was pretty easy to agree on 50/50 custody.

...He still has to figure out how to turn her down without upsetting her though, because he has no fucking clue how to explain the first thing about Benrey to her, and...ugh. Gordon isn’t prepared for this. “Um. I don’t know if...I mean he’s kind of standoffish,” he tries, and receives a sigh.

“You’re going to have to do better than that. You know Joshua never shuts up about ‘Benny’, right? I swear every other sentence out of his mouth is about your roommate who I’ve never met. Bea said she doesn’t mind watching Joshua this weekend. I’ll see you on Friday at five o’ clock. You’re not getting out of this one, Freeman.”

She hangs up before he can protest, and he sighs, running a hand through his damp hair. “Fuuuck.” This...isn’t great. Gordon’s mostly worried about how he’s going to convince Benrey to behave--getting him to act like a normal person is an impossible goal, for sure, but he at least doesn’t want Callie thinking he’s turned into an awful judge of character. Even if that’s probably true.

He’s ashamed to admit he ends up banging his head against the wall repetitively for far too long--long enough for Benrey to hear and nearly barge in on him in apparent concern for what the hell Gordon is even _doing._ Gordon can’t even blame him for that one.

* * *

Come Friday, Gordon is a nervous wreck, and Benrey is infuriatingly calm. Normally Joshua would be coming over today, but Callie’s picking him up from kindergarten in Gordon's stead and taking him back home for her fiancée to watch. At least she probably won’t chew him out in front of Benrey, but he knows damn well there’s nothing stopping her from pulling him aside at some point and tearing him to shreds. The worst part is that he definitely deserves it--he feels pretty guilty over how shitty of a friend he’s been lately.

He’s making nachos tonight in an attempt to maybe get himself back into her good graces a little--she loves the way he makes nachos. Benrey seems to be into the idea of nachos for dinner, too, judging by how he keeps popping in to try to swipe bits of various ingredients, with varying amounts of success. Hey, maybe Callie and Benrey will bond over nachos and become friends?

Gordon shudders. That’s...actually kind of a scary thought, Benrey and Callie hitting it off. Not that he doesn’t love her, but she’s not unlike Benrey in that she enjoys pissing him off. Apparently his annoyance is incredibly amusing. Which is just--great. Awesome.

The sound of a car pulling up outside drags him out of his thoughts, and he jumps, hurrying to put the tray of nachos into the oven to bake, but--

“Oh, hey! You must be ‘Benny’, then?”

Fuck. Benrey answered the door.

“Huh--yeah--no. Can’t call me that if you’re not Joshua. Daddy’s lil’ epic fail keeps forgettin’ the ‘r’ in Benrey but he’s like a--a noob to being human. You’re a pro so you gotta--gotta do the pro gamer move and get my name right, come on.”

Gordon reaches the door just in time for Benrey to finish spitting all that out at Callie, who looks like she’s trying to parse whatever the hell he just said. She’s also, notably, holding two bottles of wine.

“Benrey come on I--I asked you to let me answer the door,” he hisses, and Benrey turns to look down at him.

“Wh--no you didn’t,” Benrey says, and Gordon can see the corner of his mouth twitching. “You sure you didn’t just think it really hard?”

He drags a hand down his face, about to snap right back at him, but Callie interrupts. 

“As funny as this is to watch, I’m kind of wondering how long it’s going to take for you to invite me in, Gordon.” He can tell she’s holding back a smile, which is--god, does she actually think Benrey’s funny?? 

“Right--right, yeah.” Gordon pinches the bridge of his nose, stepping back to let Callie through. Benrey doesn’t move, though, and he tugs at the sleeve of Benrey’s shirt, hoping he’s just zoning out. “Benrey come on, let her in--”

“Huh, I don’t know…” Benrey leans down a little. Callie’s a few inches taller than Gordon, but she’s got nothing on Benrey. “Can I see your passport?”

“Not this _again!”_ Gordon bursts out, and Callie, irritatingly, laughs at him.

“I don’t have my passport on me, but will a driver’s license work?” She fishes it out and shows it to Benrey, who examines it as if he has any fucking clue what makes a driver’s license legit or not. Gordon knows he doesn’t, because when he found Gordon’s lying on the floor of his room he asked what it was as if he couldn’t read the big letters that said “DRIVER’S LICENSE” across the top.

Finally, Benrey nods. “Yeah--yeah okay, all checks out. Guess you’re allowed in me and Feetman’s gamer pad.” He moves aside without issue, and Callie finally steps inside, giving Gordon a bewildered look. 

Oh no, he knows what she’s about to say. He turns heel and all but runs back to the kitchen as her incredulous cry of _“Feetman???”_ follows him out.

This dinner is going to be the death of him.

* * *

Dinner goes surprisingly well, actually, aside from the fact that Benrey seems incapable of kicking his habit of stealing things off of Gordon’s plate, even though the contents of their plates are, for all intents and purposes, identical. Callie seems increasingly amused as Gordon grows increasingly flustered, and as he was dreading, she and Benrey do in fact hit it off. She actually laughs at Benrey’s stupid gamer jokes and even banters back at him, and it’s the weirdest thing ever.

After dinner, Gordon’s fully expecting Callie to break out the wine, so he sets up his old air mattress for her in Josh’s room since it would probably seem really fucking weird for Benrey to just--platonically sleep in Gordon’s room like he’s been doing, and the couch is only big enough for one person. Anyway, just as he thought, she does just that after making sure to ask Benrey if he’s fine with drinking (“Uhhh yeah I drink--drink things every day you kinda need to do that to live?”), but...not really in the _way_ he thought she was going to. 

“So,” she says, sitting on the couch and pouring them each a glass of wine. “You still have Mario Party 4, right?”

Gordon hesitates, but nods. “Yeah, I’d have to dig out my GameCube, but--Benrey won’t play, pretty sure he hates Mario Party.”

“Don’t hate it,” Benrey grumbles. “You only fuckin’--you’d only play Mario Party with people you hate though ‘cause if you don’t hate ‘em at first then just wait ‘til--’til fuckin’--you’re mindin’ your business and your buddy gets to Boo an’ steals your star twice in a row…”

Callie is giving Benrey a weirdly calculating look. “...Alright. Well, I’m actually not suggesting we _play_ Mario Party, per say.”

Gordon groans. “God, no, Callie, not the fucking Mario Party drinking game again. Aren’t you forgetting that I puked everywhere last time we did that? And I literally moaned the words ‘never again’ into the toilet while you held my hair so I could continue puking? Do you remember that now?”

“Mario Party drinking game?” Benrey perks up. Has--has he ever even _had_ alcohol before? Liquor wasn’t allowed on the premises of Black Mesa.

“Yeah. I mean, I was going to explain the rules, but if Gordon doesn’t want to play, I guess we’ll just do this the boring way. Watching TV and getting drunk in silence.” Both Benrey and Callie turn to look at Gordon simultaneously, with matching accusatory expressions, and he sighs.

“...Fine. But I swear this is the last time!”

* * *

Agreeing to play Callie’s Mario Party drinking game one last time was a mistake, Gordon thinks dizzily, slumped on the couch against Benrey’s side. Callie’s CPU, Daisy, is in first place, of fucking course. She’s gotta have the highest alcohol tolerance out of the three of them, and of _course_ she’s winning. Gordon hopes vindictively that Wario, the one unspoken-for CPU, can somehow miraculously pull out of second place and win so that she at least has to finish her drink along with him and Benrey when the game ends.

Gordon groans as DK once again presses the wrong fucking buttons in a 2 vs 2 mini-game, splashing a bit of wine onto the table as he goes to refill his glass. He takes a small drink for losing the minigame as Benrey does the same.

“Why’d I have to--to pick an illiterate fucking _beast,”_ he moans, and feels more than hears Benrey giggling helplessly next to him. Callie laughs, too, and he’s blurrily aware of her grinning at him.

“Gordon you--you just--you--” Benrey’s almost laughing too hard to even speak. “R, red space.”

“ _Uuuuuugh,”_ Gordon says emphatically. He’s going to have the _worst_ hangover tomorrow. Hopefully Bea doesn’t mind keeping Joshua the whole weekend so he can fucking recover.

At least they’re on the final turn. It feels like it’s been forever, god. Gordon’s kind of dreading his imminent death by alcohol poisoning since he did _just_ fill up his glass again--not that he had any other choice. 

Predictably, Daisy wins the game, and Gordon and Benrey down the rest of their drinks while Callie cackles in triumph. “I’d ask if you wanted to go another round,” she says teasingly, “but you two are complete lightweights.”

Gordon’s not sure what it was she said that was so funny, but whatever it is sets Benrey off into another round of giggling, and he leans against Gordon’s shoulder for support as he nearly doubles over in laughter. He stays there even after he calms, his face pressed into Gordon’s hair. Gordon clumsily wraps an arm around his waist, not noticing the way Callie’s eyes follow his movement.  
  
“G...god I need a glass of water,” he slurs, and Benrey pulls out of his grasp. Gordon whines at the loss of contact, but the sharp-toothed grin Benrey flashes in his direction shuts him up, leaving him to stare stupidly as the alien stumbles his way out to the kitchen. As soon as he disappears around the corner, there’s a crash that sounds suspiciously like someone tripping over a chair.

Callie sighs and gets to her feet. “I’ll go check on him.” She’s a little unsteady herself as she heads to the kitchen, but nowhere near as fucked up as Benrey is. Gordon is the _most_ fucked up. He’s not sure he could get up if he tried. He doesn’t--how do legs work?

He doesn’t know how much time passes before he’s suddenly being presented with a glass of ice water, Benrey holding it out to him in a wobbly hand and giving him that stupid crooked grin that Gordon wants to kiss right off his stupid annoyingly cute face--

Gordon accepts the water.

They stay in the living room for another hour or so, watching TV while Gordon nurses his water and desperately tries to sober up a little, before he decides he can’t stand being awake and this absolutely blasted at the same time and starts trying to get up.

“Whoa hold the fuck up there Feetman,” Benrey says, getting to his feet with surprising ease. He’s...noticeably less wobbly than he was an hour ago. Fucking alien metabolism…Gordon grumbles something unintelligible about it under his breath as Benrey helps him up.

“Make sure he uses the bathroom before he goes to bed,” Callie instructs, and Gordon’s face burns. “Don’t even argue with me, Gordon, you _know_ you’re going to regret it if you don’t.”

Benrey gives Callie a joking salute, and fucking-- _lifts Gordon bridal style._ Normally Gordon would be a lot more flustered about this, but as the room spins thanks to the sudden movement, he just closes his eyes and desperately clings to Benrey, trying his damnedest not to hurl all over the other’s chest.

After a quick pit stop to the bathroom as Callie ordered--why does Benrey listen to _her_ and not Gordon?--Benrey carries him back to his room, gently removing his glasses and setting them on the nightstand for him after carefully setting him down on the bed. Once he’s under the covers, Gordon’s surprised when Benrey turns to leave. He reaches out to catch Benrey’s hand in his.

“No, hey, why’re you leavin’…” He sounds unbearably whiny, but he isn’t sober enough to care. Benrey hesitates.

“Thought--thought I was back on the couch tonight?”

Gordon tugs on his hand, and despite his protests, Benrey goes easily, climbing into bed with him and curling close. “No that was--that idea sucked,” Gordon mumbles. “Want you here. Can’t--can’t sleep without’cha.”

Pink lights spill from Benrey’s lips along with his Sweet Voice, and he looks mortified, blushing harder than Gordon’s ever seen. “Uh that’s--that’s kinda gay,” Benrey coughs.

Gordon thinks about that for a minute. “...I’m bi, actually,” he says eventually.

Benrey doesn’t seem to know what to say to that, and Gordon passes out before he can think of something, falling into a dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well !! i guess i have a hlvrai oc now technically. callie is gordon's age. she's got a slight build, her skin is a bit lighter than his, and she's got lots of dark brown curly hair. she is pan and loves her fiancee <3 
> 
> gee joshua how come you get FOUR PARENTS
> 
> also if u havent seen the mario party 3 drinking game that wayne, bauulp, and holly did with geepm i highly recommend it, altho theirs was not just with alcohol. i just used 4 instead because im most familiar with that one. but i did very much steal this idea oops
> 
> im pretty sure i listened to impossible by anberlin during this chapter!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> slight emetophobia warning again near the beginning! not described in detail but definitely mentioned. gordon's hella hungover at the beginning of the chapter what'd y'all expect

Predictably, Gordon is way too hungover to do anything at all on Saturday. Callie wants to sit down with him and talk one-on-one before she leaves, but today is not the day. She doesn’t want him to have any excuse to avoid speaking with her, because, come on--this is seriously getting ridiculous. The man vanishes for a week, apologizes saying he was “busy at work”--which is bullshit, his phone was _dead._ For a _week_. Then mysteriously he gets a new roommate with absolutely no notice, and is Callie paranoid to think those two things are connected somehow? No, she’s not.

Saturday isn’t the day though. Callie’s pretty much invited herself to stay over the whole weekend, anyway--he’s basically been avoiding her, and she’s sick of it, since knowing him he’s probably just anxious about something dumb. Since his current state _is_ her fault, Callie decides to take pity on him and cook breakfast at the very least. 

She shakes her head a little as she passes the conspicuously Benrey-free couch--she knew Gordon wouldn’t make someone sleep on the couch for months on end, does he think she’s stupid or something? It’s pretty out of character for him to gain a live-in boyfriend without telling her anything, but it’s even more out of character for him to get a roommate and make them sleep on the couch instead of at least getting them a cot. God, he’s ridiculous.

She’s in the middle of frying up some bacon and eggs when she hears soft footsteps and turns, jumping slightly when Benrey is _right there_. He’s staring down at her unblinkingly, and it’s more than a little unnerving. “Need something?” she asks.

Benrey does blink, then, and it looks very deliberate. “Huh? Yeah--no--checking to make sure y’don’t burn down Feetman’s kitchen. You got--got a license for that spatula?”

Callie decides to write that last question off as nonsense and turns back to the task at hand. “I’m not going to burn anything. I can’t promise I’m as good of a cook as Gordon is, but I at least know how to make bacon and eggs. How’s he doing?”

Benrey huffs. “...Prob’ly gonna throw up soon. Left him in the bathroom so I wouldn’t have to see that shit, pretty cringe.”

That’s...kind of fair, actually. Not everyone has the mental fortitude to stay by a man's side while he’s praying to the porcelain throne. “I’m surprised _you’re_ okay,” Callie mentions. “Since you’ve never had alcohol before.” Maybe she’s assuming, but the expression on his face last night was not the one of a person who had tried wine before. Also, considering he made a couple comments along the lines of “yo this juice makin’ me feel weird”, she feels pretty safe in that assumption.

Benrey shuffles his feet. “...Have so,” he says defensively. Bingo. “I’ve had--had so much alcohol I drink alcohol so much--all the alcohol...Pretty--pretty rude of you.”

“Uh huh.”

She and Benrey grimace at each other when the muffled but distinct sound of a certain someone being very sick reaches their ears.

“...He’s probably not going to want breakfast,” Callie decides, wincing. 

* * *

The rest of the day is pretty low-key out of sheer necessity--Gordon’s headache doesn’t seem to let up on him until almost sunset, although he’s at least feeling okay enough to eat lunch. Callie doesn’t feel like trying to cook again, so it’s sandwiches for lunch. 

Benrey ends up inviting her to play Halo 4 with him, and for all that she has absolutely no clue what she’s doing since she’s never even touched an Xbox controller in her life, it ends up being a pretty good time. It’s not like she hates the Xbox, she’s just never found any of the console exclusives compelling enough to bother spending money on the thing. She does get the hang of it pretty quick, and even manages to snipe him a couple times, though she can’t tell if it’s because he’s actually going easy on her as he claims to be doing when he playfully insults her for being bad at the game. 

For dinner, Callie manages to convince Gordon to just order something in, since again--she does not want to cook anything else, and he still seems very ache-y and tired, though definitely better than this morning.

In fact, he’s even feeling well enough to join her and Benrey in gaming after dinner, and she’s surprised to find that he’s actually better at Halo than she is. She knows Gordon isn’t a gamer by any stretch of the imagination, so she was fully expecting him to be worse. But--well, actually, now that she thinks about it, if he’s been living with Benrey, it’s definitely possible that Benrey’s managed to rope him into playing Halo before.

At some point, she and Benrey end up teaming up on Gordon for no reason other than to laugh at him when he gets indignant with them for not playing fair. It is, all in all, a very good time.

* * *

Sunday, though--Sunday, she’s determined to get Gordon to have a serious conversation with her. She’s pretty sure that’s going to be impossible without getting him out of the house, because Benrey has a tendency to follow him around like a lost puppy. She’s torn between finding it cute and finding it annoying, but right now she mostly finds it annoying. Benrey slept on the couch last night even though the jig is basically up, and Callie resists the urge to rib Gordon about it. If she’s too obvious about her intentions with this talk then he’s just going to fight even harder to wiggle out of it.

Anyway--apparently her assessment of Benrey as “not a morning person” was right on the money, because he’s still snoozing away when she drags Gordon out to breakfast at a quiet diner not too far from the house. She had to promise to get something to go for Benrey to even get him to come with, and he left a fucking note telling Benrey where they are, and it takes everything she has in her not to tease him.

Callie makes sure to request a table in a more out-of-the-way spot when they reach the diner, ignoring the glint of fear in Gordon’s eyes. She takes mercy on him and at least waits until they’ve finished eating, at which point she pushes her plate aside, folds her hands on the table in front of her, and stares at him meaningfully while he squirms under her gaze.

“I’m sorry,” he blurts finally. “I’m the worst friend ever, okay? I shouldn’t have given you the cold shoulder I just--I didn’t know how to...introduce you to Benrey, I guess. I wasn’t lying when I said he’s standoffish! I don’t know how the fuck you got him to like you so fast, but it seems like he does, so that’s--that’s great. Awesome. I was just. I didn’t want him to be an ass to you.”

She knows what Gordon looks like when he’s lying, and she’s sure there’s some truth in what he just said, but she also has enough supporting evidence to suggest he’s not telling her the whole story. “I appreciate the apology,” she says, and he relaxes a little. “But, come on. You know I can handle someone being a jerk, and I’m gonna say again, I know you, and I know you wouldn’t be putting up with him if he sucked.”

Gordon starts to mumble another excuse, and Callie raises a hand to stop him.

“Gordon.” He’s not meeting her eyes, instead sipping his coffee and staring into it like it holds the secrets of the universe. “Benrey isn’t human, is he?”

He promptly does a spit-take like a fucking cartoon character, and Callie calmly dabs coffee off her shirt with her napkin.

“What--! He’s--come on, I mean, what else would he be??” Gordon’s practically sweating bullets. Got’em. 

“Well...you know, I thought the sharp teeth might have been a body mod, and I know slit pupil contacts exist...but I think what really sealed the deal was when I looked in on you Friday night. I guess I woke him up by opening the door. Gordon, he has glowing eyes, and he hissed at me like a--like a big cat, or an alligator or something. It’s not as subtle as you think it is. Plus, he showed up right after...whatever happened with your job before. What’s going on? I just want the truth.”

Gordon groans, putting his head in his hands. “...You know what, fine. But I--listen, I kind of got a big fucking paycheck specifically on the condition that I wasn’t going to talk about this, so you _can’t_ tell anyone else.” He glances around to check if anyone’s nearby before leaning in closer. Callie leans in too, humoring him. “Benrey’s an alien. There was--right before I went missing? I wasn’t kidding about work being busy. Black Mesa doesn’t _exist_ anymore. We were doing an experiment and something went fucky and uh, basically, aliens. Kinda had to fight my way out. I think Benrey was already there but I don’t--I don’t really know how that works.” 

He pauses, looking torn, but continues after a few moments. “Anyway--Benrey followed me home, which sounds really dumb but he actually did. I’m telling you he normally sleeps on the couch because--because I literally did not invite him to live with me. I just can’t fucking get rid of him. So, yes, I do make him sleep on the couch.”

Callie stares at him. He’s still lying about some of this, but that sounded at least mostly true. It’s not like she’s too surprised that aliens actually exist--her and Gordon’s mutual belief in aliens is kind of like, one of the big reasons they became friends in the first place. She doesn’t believe that he’s trying to get rid of Benrey at all, though, and it is _so_ on brand for him to fall for an alien. 

“Okay, sure. That’s why you made me agree to order him something to-go when I said we should go to breakfast. You don’t care about him or anything, I’m sure.” Her voice is flat with disbelief.

Gordon reddens. “I--well--y’know. He’s...I’m getting used to him. I guess he’s not so bad sometimes. When he feels like it.”

“Yeah. That’s why you two were spooning when I checked in on you Friday night.” Callie watches with growing amusement as he fiddles nervously with his ponytail.

“I--we were drunk, come on Callie, that’s not--that doesn’t usually happen,” he tries, and oh that is a big fat lie. It’s almost sad how bad his poker face is.

“You know I don’t care if you want to cuddle your alien roommate at night, yeah? I’m happy for you, Gordon. It’s about time you found someone.”

Callie can’t hold back her satisfied grin when Gordon gapes at her like a dying fish, and oh, she’s missed teasing him so bad. It’s one of her favorite pastimes.

“We’re not? Dating?” he manages eventually, his voice escalating in pitch. “Why would I date _Benrey_ he’s--I don’t feel that way about him, trust me, he’s! He’s a pest! I’m sick of having him around!”

“I think the only thing I believed there was that you’re not dating him,” Callie says calmly, sipping her tea. “Gordon, I _know_ what you look like when you’re crushing on someone. You can’t fool me. I might not know Benrey, but it’s kind of hard to miss that he likes you when he’s looking at you like you hung the damn moon.”

Gordon’s too stubborn to be swayed that easily, but Callie hopes she’s at least giving him some things to think about. He huffs, crossing his arms. “I do _not_ have a crush on _Benrey,_ ” he insists. “Also, he doesn’t--he flirts with me just to get on my nerves, trust me Callie, you don’t know him. He lives to piss me off! He sucks!”

Callie sets down her cup, giving Gordon an icy look. He looks back at her, his chin jutting forward mutinously, but she can tell he’s trying not to be intimidated. “You know what? That’s enough. You’re being an ass, and you’re going to hurt him, if you haven’t already. I’m telling you this because I love you, and I know how much of an ass you can be when you’re scared. But you don’t _have_ to be, and you should try thinking for once before you go running your mouth. He cares about you, and I can tell you care about him, but you’re really, really bad at showing it. Be better. I know you can.”

Gordon looks absolutely gobsmacked. Callie scoots her chair back and gets up before he can find something to say. “Just--think about what I said. I’m gonna go wait in the car for your brain to reboot.” She turns and walks out, kind of wishing they’d taken separate cars so that she could’ve been even more dramatic about it and just straight-up left. Oh well.

* * *

Thankfully, Callie’s silent on the ride back to his house. Gordon’s feeling bad enough as it is, really. She’s probably right, even if he doesn’t want to admit it. She’s usually right about him being an asshole. God, he hates it when she’s right. She made sure to pack her things up before they went to breakfast, and she’s at least feeling kindly enough toward him to wish him luck as she gets into her own car to leave.

Gordon sighs, fumbling with his keys a little as he unlocks his door, Benrey’s takeout box tucked under one arm. “Benrey? I’m back,” he says, stepping inside.

Benrey’s awake by now, sitting on the couch with the Switch in his hands. He looks up when Gordon enters, and as their eyes meet, he realizes--it was almost subtle enough to miss, but Benrey’s expression definitely just brightened upon seeing him. 

“You get lost on the way back or somethin’, Cringeman? Forget the way back to your fail house?” he asks, and oh god, that’s definitely an affectionate tilt to his mouth.

Gordon is _so_ fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops ! all callie! almost anyway. i was really encouraged by how much everyone liked her, so !! y'all got callie-vision this chapter  
> also fyi she actually doesnt know about gordons missing hand--she noticed the scar but didn't manage to see thru his excuse for that one...it was probably something ridiculously clumsy enough that she was like you know what you're dumb enough to do that. his prosthetic p much looks and feels like a real hand unless you're examining it super closely  
> tommy was like "mr freeman will be sad if he doesn't have a hand :( i want him to be happy" and gman was like okay he has a hand now  
> also here's some more art !!! this time of the bridal style carry https://twitter.com/benreyredacted/status/1273509624029876224?s=20
> 
> this chapter's song was joy by bastille!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> listened to "i'm tired and i hate this song (don't go)" by cyberbully mom club while writing this one, which hurts real bad in context with some of the info in this chapter, but isn't really otherwise relevant to what happens
> 
> also i added all the songs i listened to during the writing of this fic to the end chapter notes for each of the previous chapters so if you're interested in that then go check it out!

Gordon thinks about Callie’s words a lot. Not--not so much about...what she said about him and Benrey romantically, because that still--he doesn’t really want to think about that. But...she did have a point at least regarding the way he talks about Benrey. When was the last time Benrey purposefully did something actually destructive or worse than mildly annoying? He can’t remember. Yes, Benrey insults him a lot, but. Well. It’s...easy to tell he’s just playing around, and it isn’t like Gordon can't dish it out as well as he can take it. Even in Black Mesa, bantering with him was fun at times--he found himself laughing at Benrey’s jokes sometimes in spite of himself even then.

Now, if anything, Gordon finds himself laughing at Benrey’s jokes even more--finds himself making jokes of his own to get the chance to hear Benrey’s low chuckle. There’s more physical contact than ever between the two of them, too--even disregarding the fact that they share a bed at night, Benrey ends up in his personal space like--constantly, and it would be an understatement to say that Gordon doesn’t mind. Hell, sometimes he sits on the couch next to Benrey specifically with the hope that Benrey will lean on him and maybe even put his arm around him. 

Kind of pathetic and gay of him, really.

He’s also come to the uncomfortable conclusion that...he’s been really unfair to Benrey. Did Benrey even deserve half the shit Gordon said and did to him in Black Mesa? Like--yeah, he was annoying, but that...didn’t justify anything. Especially now that Gordon knows him better and realizes that he probably just didn’t know how else to interact with someone. Yelling at him out of frustration--okay, that could maybe be excused a little bit. It was a stressful situation. But Gordon  _ shot  _ at him. Benrey wasn’t affected by it, but Gordon didn’t  _ know  _ he couldn’t be affected by it the first time. 

Even if Benrey had been acting of his own volition when he’d betrayed Gordon and then attempted to kill him--maybe that would have been justified, with the way Gordon treated him. Hell, Bubby’s reasons for betrayal were less concrete, and Gordon forgave  _ him.  _ Why had it been so much harder for him to forgive Benrey?

Gordon’s frowning a little bit as these thoughts swirl around in his head, tucked against Benrey’s side on the couch while he watches Benrey play Animal Crossing. Benrey  _ was  _ playing something else, but when he saw Gordon coming, he swapped over to Animal Crossing for...some reason.

“Hey.” Benrey’s voice draws him out of his thoughts. “You good? I’ve been hitting Sprocket with my net for like five minutes and you didn’t even say anything. Gordon Meanman doesn’t care about Sprocket anymore real?”

He blinks, realizing that--oh, Benrey is definitely repeatedly hitting Sprocket with a net. “Hey--stop that--asshole.” He grabs for the controller, but Benrey easily holds it out of his reach. Gordon sits back with a huff. “...I was just...thinking. Stop bullying my villagers.”

“Okay,” Benrey says, pushing Sprocket into a corner and digging holes next to him so he can’t escape. Gordon snorts out a laugh in spite of himself. “What were you thinkin’ about? Must’ve been something--something that really takes up a lotta CPU. Pretty sure that burning smell was your fuckin’--tiny brain processors going into overdrive.”

“Oh, shut up.” He elbows Benrey lightly, snickering. “I was thinking about...uh.” Wait, he actually isn’t ready to bring that up. His gaze falls on Benrey’s hair, which is a bit--hm. “...I was wondering when the last time you brushed your hair was.” A stupid lie, but oh well.

Benrey shrugs and mumbles something under his breath.

“What?”

“...Hairbrushes suck,” Benrey says a bit more clearly. “Fuckin’--hurts. Hair sucks.”

“You could get a haircut.” Gordon pauses. “...Wait, brushing your hair  _ hurts? _ ”

Benrey ignores the “haircut” comment. “Yeah. It’s uh. Yeah. Doesn’t get the--the knots out if I don’t pull hard enough. Really kind of--kind of an epic fail of the--the inventor of brush.”

Jesus. Is he just yanking the brush through his hair every time? “You don’t have to--it works better if you go slow, Benrey. I’m--I can show you, hold on.” Gordon stands and heads to the bathroom to grab a hairbrush. Benrey’s is...now that he looks at it, it  _ is  _ missing quite a few bristles. He winces and takes his own hairbrush instead.

When he returns, Benrey is on the home menu, apparently intrigued enough by what Gordon’s planning that he stopped playing his game for it. He eyes the brush in Gordon’s hand with visible trepidation, and, okay, he really wasn’t kidding that he hates brushing his hair. Fair, though, if he doesn’t know how to do it without causing himself pain.

Gordon sits on the couch again, turning sideways to face Benrey. “Here, turn around. I’ll brush your hair for you, man.” Benrey hesitates, still looking wary. “...I  _ promise  _ it’s not going to hurt. You can trust me.”

Finally, Benrey nods, bringing his legs up onto the couch and turning so that his back is to Gordon. His hair isn’t...quite matted, but it’s visibly tangled, and Gordon feels a little bad for Benrey--obviously he didn’t have anyone to teach him how to properly care for it.

He starts by running his fingers through Benrey’s hair, careful not to snag any knots as he does so, and separates out a section of hair. Benrey tenses when Gordon starts brushing, but once he realizes it doesn’t hurt, he relaxes again. Gordon makes sure to stay slow and methodical, carefully and diligently working through the knots and tangles. He finds himself stroking Benrey’s hair as he works--it is actually incredibly soft and thick, and it’s hard not to pet it. Benrey seems to like it, anyway, leaning into Gordon’s touch, so that’s a good enough reason to continue.

As Gordon continues, he slowly realizes Benrey’s making...a weird noise. It’s like a low, rhythmic rumbling sound deep in his chest--wait.

“Dude, are you purring?” he asks, both amused and charmed by the prospect.

“...Wh?” Benrey sounds extremely out of it. “Mh no I’m...mmn. I. Car noises.” Gordon scritches his scalp lightly, and Benrey’s purring stutters slightly before increasing in volume. Okay, a little car-like, but that’s definitely a purr.

“Dude, that’s kind of adorable,” Gordon says, and has the satisfaction of seeing Benrey’s ears turn pink.

“Shhhut...shut up. Car--car noises are cool ‘n I’m not--not  _ purring,  _ not a fuckin’ cat…”

Gordon laughs quietly, but doesn’t say anything else, focusing on the task at hand. It takes him a good fifteen minutes to get Benrey’s hair fully tangle-free, but, well, it’s either that or let Benrey rip through it again. He grins a little, satisfied with his work, and sets the brush on the coffee table.

“There, you’re all done.”

Benrey doesn’t answer, but he  _ does  _ flop quite heavily backwards onto Gordon, mildly knocking the air out of him as he does.

“Hey, what--”

“Bro the--the gravity...it’s--someone turned up the gravity...How could they do this that’s terrible.” 

Gordon wheezes, struggling with Benrey’s limp weight until he manages to wiggle out from under him--at which point Benrey snags him around the waist and pulls him back down, holding him close.

“Oh fuck, the gravity, it’s getting you too,” Benrey deadpans, and Gordon snickers into his shirt.

“Yeah, that’s kind of how gravity works. Congratulations, you figured it out.” He adjusts his position to be a little more comfortable, since it’s not like he minds--he just didn’t want to be stuck underneath Benrey.

They lay there for a while in silence, aside from Benrey’s continuous, soft purring.

Suddenly Gordon speaks on impulse. “...Hey, uh. I wanted to say I’m sorry.”

“...Huh?” Benrey seems genuinely confused.

“For, um...you know. All--all the shit I said to you in Black Mesa. For trying to hurt you. I was stressed and you weren’t helping but it...that’s--that’s not an excuse. It was, uh--pretty fucked-up of me. You didn’t deserve that. So...I’m sorry.”

Benrey’s quiet, probably processing what he just said, and Gordon waits, his heart feeling uncomfortably constricted with anxiety. “...Yeah. Me too,” he says eventually, his voice soft. “Didn’t uh--didn’t want to--the arm thing was fucked up. The Xen stuff and...everything...didn’t really wanna do any of it. Tried to fight the script but I--uh, I also thought--sometimes I kinda--was like why am I fighting so hard? Fuckin’ Feetman’s just gonna--gonna be mean to me anyway so might as well--but--that was--mn.”

He didn’t actually say “sorry”, but Gordon gets it. He’s mentioned the “script” before, but seems unwilling or unable to explain much about what it is, and Gordon somehow...doesn’t think he’s lying when he says the “script” was controlling his actions for much of Black Mesa. He’s almost certain it’s something to do with the skeleton. Which, thank god, he hasn’t ever seen outside of Black Mesa.

“...It’s cool. It--uh, I think we all did things we regret back there. Except maybe Bubby. I don’t think he knows what regret  _ is.”  _ Gordon chuckles softly, but something’s tugging at his mind. “Hey, um--why did you care so much, anyway? I was basically a dick to you the whole time. Why did you care about not hurting me?”

There’s another long silence, and Gordon notices that Benrey’s stopped purring altogether. It’s been long enough that he’s about to try to prod Benrey for an answer again, when the alien speaks. “Told--told you we used to be friends.”

Oh. So...Benrey was serious about that. Gordon kind of feels extra-bad now. “...Sorry, I really don’t remember,” he tells Benrey sheepishly. “That was--that was when we were kids? Why don’t you, um, tell me about it? Maybe I’ll remember something.”

“Uh. Yeah. Alright. Cringeman can’t remember his own...memories.” The words hold no bite to them, and Benrey seems more thoughtful than anything. “...Used to teleport out of Black Mesa when I got bored. Go to--go to parks or McDonald’s or whatever. Can’t teleport anymore ‘cause they fuckin’ nerfed me but--anyway. I’m like sitting on the jungle gym one day trying to--trying to chill ‘cause I’m already just like--the chillest kid ever, and your lil’ ass comes climbing up and fuckin’ asks me to--to play some dumb kid game. Tag maybe. Don’t remember.”

As Benrey continues, Gordon realizes that--this  _ does  _ sound familiar. Pieces of memories flash through his mind, nothing solid enough to hold onto, but--he’s sure Benrey’s telling the truth. Benrey continues. “Guess you were a real stupid kid, couldn’t tell when a guy wanted to chill by himself...so I was like you know what that sounds--sounds pretty cringe. But I didn’t--didn’t want anyone thinking I was scared of some--some lame-ass ginger kid so. Obviously I kicked your ass at tag. And uh--kinda just...ended up going back there a lot after that. ‘Cause. Kicking your ass was fun. Uh--after--after a while the--couldn’t teleport out of Black Mesa anymore. Some--some forcefield or something they came up with to…yeah. It was sucks.”

This sounds--so, so fucking familiar. If Gordon squeezes his eyes shut and concentrates, he feels like he can almost remember what Benrey looked like as a kid. “...I used to call you Ben,” he says eventually. “I thought Benrey was a dumb name so I just called you Ben, and you hated it.” The way Benrey tenses against him tells him it’s true.

“I still don’t...fully remember, but...god, that must have made a huge impact on your life, that you remember so clearly after all this time. I…”

Benrey cuts him off. “Yeah, it’s whatever. Uh. Just...I--y’know. Shit’s cool now so…”

“Yeah, you’re right.” Gordon hugs him a little tighter. “...Glad we got to be friends now.”

Benrey doesn’t respond, but he does start purring again, and that’s a good enough answer for Gordon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thought i'd go with something a little more,, idk, soft? for this chapter? so i hope you guys liked this even tho not a ton happened! i just really wanted to incorporate the thing where benrey talks abt how they used to be friends at some point
> 
> also i got more fanart !! a very cute and funny piece by king-of-teeth: https://king-of-teeth.tumblr.com/post/621499223999987712/scene-from-taak-os-s-fanfic-bc-i-read-that-one
> 
> every time i receive fanart for this it makes me so happy :,) ive never gotten fanart for anything ive written before so it totally blows me away every time.. how to make me cry step 1 is literally just draw fanart for this fic. step 2 is congratulations you did it
> 
> also i just realized i broke 500 kudos!!! thank you so much everyone!!!!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> benrey POV this time,,, i regret to inform everyone i listened to soap by m*lanie m*rtinez during this chapter. but i pirated it so it's fine

Benrey’s going to go fucking insane.

Ever since the conversation where he told Gordon how they first met--ever since Gordon called Benrey his _friend--_ he feels so--so--he doesn’t even know. Whatever it is, there’s a lot of it, and it’s overwhelming. Gordon’s being so openly affectionate with him lately, it makes him want to--well. Mostly it makes him want to kiss Gordon senseless. It doesn't help that he knows for a fact now that Gordon isn't straight, and he's been thinking about Gordon's casual, drunk "I'm bi, actually" so much it's embarrassing. But Gordon’s just barely admitted they’re friends, there’s absolutely no way…

He can’t even vent his emotions by using his Sweet Voice, since he’s pretty sure Tommy’s been teaching Gordon to read it. How else would Gordon know that teal to white meant “I feel fright”? Anyway--he can’t risk it.

Something has to change, though, because sometimes when Gordon snuggles into his side like he belongs there and lays his head on Benrey’s shoulder, he feels like every emotion he’s holding back is going to spill from his lips and never stop and it’s. It’s kind of turning into a problem. Maybe there’s a way he can find out if Gordon returns his feelings without actually revealing his own? Maybe.

This thought process is what leads to him sneaking out of their--Gordon’s room late one night and grabbing the laptop, his heart in his throat like he’s afraid of getting caught as he settles down on the couch and opens up a new incognito window. It’s embarrassing enough just typing the words “how to tell if your crush likes you back” into Google--but he’s seriously at a loss.

He stops on a link to an article titled “25 Signs That Your Crush is Interested In You”. There’s twenty-five of them! Gotta be comprehensive as fuck, right? Benrey starts scrolling, kind of skimming, and his face warms as he continues. 

Gordon--Gordon kind of does a lot of these things. But not all of them? He didn’t...ask about Benrey’s relationship status. Is that just because he knows Benrey’s single already? They also don’t text. Callie wasn’t acting particularly weird, he doesn’t think, when the three of them hung out together...which this article says is a sign that your crush returns your feelings because it’s weird to be around two people who like each other? Gordon does laugh at his jokes a lot more than he used to, but he still sighs in exasperation, gets indignant, shoves Benrey (gently)...He doesn’t laugh at _everything_ Benrey says and does. Is that a requirement?

He does...touch Benrey a lot, and seems to make excuses to get close to him, but. Gordon could just be a tactile person, right? He looks at Benrey often, sure, but they also talk a lot. It’s normal to look at someone while you’re talking to them, he’s pretty sure. Gordon doesn’t seem to get nervous around him, or blush, so…maybe that’s proof that he doesn’t have feelings for Benrey?

After a few more minutes, Benrey sighs, closes the window, and shuts the laptop, feeling even more confused than before. Obviously, random Internet articles aren’t going to be of any help. He’s at a loss, though--this is completely uncharted territory. What the fuck should he do??

...Maybe he can ask someone for advice, or at least get this off his chest. He doesn’t trust Coomer or Bubby not to blab to Gordon the second they have a chance, but...he bets Tommy would keep a secret if he asked. Benrey’s not sure how good Tommy’s advice will be since he isn’t human either, but he does have at least a bit more experience with acting human, so--maybe--maybe he’ll be able to help?

Benrey nods to himself, putting the laptop back where he found it before returning to bed. He’ll go see Tommy tomorrow. Gordon grumbles sleepily as Benrey slips back under the covers, but he quiets when Benrey wraps his arms around him again and pets his hair. He swallows back the Sweet Voice rising in his throat as Gordon nuzzles into his shoulder, and it almost hurts a little, he’s been bottling it up so much lately. Yeah, he...really needs to talk to someone about this.

* * *

Gordon seems surprised when Benrey announces his plans to go see Tommy--which is fair. Benrey hardly even moves from the couch most of the time, let alone leaves the house. Gordon even offers to come along, but Benrey declines with some shitty excuse that he forgets as soon as it leaves his mouth. He wonders if Gordon’s disappointment is solely because he wants to see Tommy, or if some of it is also due to the fact that they're going to be alone together, without Gordon...No, maybe he just doesn’t want to be alone in the house.

They’re meeting at a dog park not far from Gordon’s house, since Benrey’s only experience with driving is Mario Kart and Need for Speed, and Gordon made him promise not to even go _near_ the car without Gordon present. Tommy said he needs to let Sunkist get some exercise anyway, so...it’s a two birds one stone kinda deal, Benrey supposes. It’s the beginning of December, so it’s cold out, but neither of them are bothered much by the cold, and Sunkist has more than enough fur to ward off the chill. Plus, this means hardly anyone else is even here.

They’re watching Sunkist roll in the grass, seemingly scratching an itch on his back, when Tommy speaks.

“Uh--Benrey? Not that this isn’t--um, this is nice and everything, I like hanging out with you! But...you’ve been a little bit--you’ve been kind of spacing out is, is everything okay? Did you have something you wanted to talk to me about?”

Right. Okay. He can’t put this off forever. Benrey glances at Tommy, then back at Sunkist. Eye contact is too hard right now. He takes a deep breath and opens his mouth to reply, but Sweet Voice leaks out instead, that unmistakable deep pink to light, pink-tinged gray. Light pink to dark gray means “it’s okay”, affectionately, but the shades being the other way around means...

Tommy gasps. “Deep pink to soft gray like a dove means--you think you’re in love?”

Benrey stares at the traitorous lights as they slowly fade. “...Yeah. Well. Maybe a little.”

“It’s Mr. Freeman isn’t it? I’m so happy for you, Benrey, I--I know things got off to a rocky start with you two but I guess everything worked out--”

“Huh? Yeah--no. I mean...it _is_ him but it’s…” Benrey stares down at his feet, willing himself not to blush. “...Don’t know if he likes me back.”

“Of course Mr. Freeman likes you! He lets you live with him and--and he wrote that nice message on your cast and...you said he makes chocolate chip pancakes for you! I think--I think he’d only do that if he likes you.”

Tommy’s not getting it. Benrey huffs. “...He said we’re friends. I know he fuckin’ likes me, just don’t know if he…” Like-likes me? He isn’t going to fucking say that. That’s stupid.

Thankfully, Tommy _does_ get it this time. “Oh, I mean, I still think he likes you that way too! But I guess I don't have any proof...Why don’t you just ask him how he feels about you? Then you’d know for sure!”

“Can’t, I…” Benrey’s throat feels like it’s closing up at the very thought. “...Can’t. I. Words are...can’t do ‘em. No Sweet Voice either. Don’t know if he knows what dove gray means anyway.”

Tommy hums thoughtfully, rocking back on his heels. “Hmmmmm...well, if words are hard, maybe you could--you could try _showing_ him how you feel about him?” At Benrey’s questioning noise, he continues brightly. “You know! Do--do nice things for him. Get him a gift? Maybe more than one gift but um, don’t, don’t overdo it because it won’t--won’t be as special. Oh! You could--you could even make him something! Like--like a scarf for um, for whatever holiday he celebrates, I don’t know how to knit but it doesn’t--doesn’t look too hard to make a scarf. Plus I bet you’d be good at it, you’re good with--good at doing things with your hands." He takes out his phone and taps at it for a minute. "Oh look there’s even a--there’s a craft store not too far from here! I can walk you there before my dad comes to pick me up?”

Benrey’s about to decline, tell him how stupid he thinks that idea is, but...he stops, realizing he really, really doesn’t have any better ideas. It won’t hurt to at least check out the craft store, right? He isn’t obligated to buy anything just because he’s there. So in the end, he agrees.

* * *

Forty-five minutes later, Benrey closes Gordon’s front door behind himself, his bag of emerald-green yarn and brand-new knitting needles tucked up underneath his hoodie so it’s not immediately visible. Just his luck--Gordon’s sitting on the couch reading some nerd book, and looks up with a smile when Benrey walks in.

“Oh, you’re back! Wait--” His eyes of course zero in on the bulge underneath Benrey’s shirt. “What--what is _that?”_

“Shut up it’s--can’t tell you.”

“Benrey…”

“Just--it’s not--just trust me it’s...not bad.”

They look at each other for a few moments before Gordon throws his hands up in surrender. “Okay. Fine, I guess I’ll...trust you. For now. You’d better be telling the truth, I swear to Christ…”

Benrey leaves him to mutter to himself on the couch and frantically tries to think of a hiding spot--oh. Joshua’s closet will work. He darts into the room, where Joshua is lying on the floor playing with a toy truck, and ignores the kid's confused stare as he quickly stashes the bag in the back of the closet.

“Hi Benny. Whatcha doin’?” Joshua asks.

Benrey hesitates, then moves to close the door, sitting down next to Joshua. He has to do something to prevent him from running straight to Gordon and giving him away. “Listen, you gotta--you gotta keep this sh--crap on lock, okay? No--no tellin’ your dad or anything. I’m...it’s...I wanna give him something. It’s not ready yet though so I gotta--gotta keep it in here so he doesn’t see it until it’s done spawning in. Won’t--won’t be a surprise if he sees it too early.”

Joshua gives him as calculating a look as a five-year-old can. “...Mmmmmmm…”

“If you don’t tell him then I’ll get you a plastic dinosaur after I give it to him.”

“Okay! Yeah. I won’t tell him.” Joshua gives a determined nod, holding out his hand with the pinkie extended. Benrey stares at it, and he gives an impatient little huff. “Gotta pinkie promise!” When Benrey still doesn’t get it, Joshua grabs Benrey’s hand and hooks their pinkies together. “See? Pinkie promise. You can’t--you can’t break a pinkie promise,” he says seriously.

“Oh, dope,” Benrey says, and offers Joshua a fistbump. “Wanna play Smash?”

Joshua bumps his fist against Benrey’s with just as much gravitas as he had during the pinkie swear, and nods. Benrey snickers and ruffles his hair, getting to his feet. “Alright, c’mon. Let’s see if we can get your dad in on it too, yeah?”

As the three of them play together, Benrey can’t help but to sneak looks at Gordon out of the corner of his eye. He looks so happy, sitting there with Joshua on his lap. Even when he’s complaining that it isn’t fair for Joshua and Benrey to team up on him, he still has an affectionate smile on his face that makes it incredibly hard to not just lean down and kiss him.

Benrey really hopes Tommy’s advice works.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just to note: there will probably be christmas things next chapter ! yes i know it's almost july irl. but fuck it! the timeframe for this fic means it's currently december because hl1 takes place in may. gordon is NOT christian its more of just. well we did christmas when i was a kid and kids like christmas so. might as well let joshua enjoy pretty lights and presents!
> 
> i did consider jewish gordon but ultimately decided it wasn't a good idea for a number of reasons including that i didnt intend him to be jewish to start, and i myself am pretty clueless abt jewish culture, so i don't want to like? speak/write on that when it isn't my experience i guess
> 
> also!! heres some art my bf (milesdoesart on deviantart) did for chapter 10!  
> https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/721961673992175676/724401500566192148/SPOILER_frenry.png
> 
> also also heres the fucking article benrey (and i) looked at altho i changed the title around because its fucking dumb. no i dont know why the url says 10 ways instead of 25  
> https://hackspirit.com/does-my-crush-like-me-heres-10-ways-to-know-for-sure/


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i was listening to changing by the airborne toxic event while writing this. it's a good song but isn't actually related to anything in this chapter or in the fic in general its jsut what i had to listen to in order to get in the zone

Gordon can’t believe it’s been over six months since the resonance cascade. Well--he can, six months isn’t  _ that  _ long, but somehow it still feels surreal. It was an event that changed his life forever, and he just kind of...kept living afterward, went back to his home and his son and moved on as best as he could. He’s still not sure how he did it, but...he did.

Now he’s lying in bed, Benrey asleep on his chest, watching as white flakes drift past outside his window. Gordon wonders if Benrey’s ever seen snow before--from what he’s gathered, the alien grew up in Black Mesa, which was in the middle of a desert in New Mexico and probably barely even received much rain, let alone snow. Well...duh. Deserts kind of...need to not have rain in order to be deserts. He’s still waking up, alright.

“Hey Benrey,” he says softly, giving Benrey a gentle nudge. “Might wanna get up, bud. It’s snowing.”

“Mnn. Fuck off,” Benrey mumbles immediately. Then he seems to process what Gordon actually said, and sits up quickly. “Wha--snow’s real? What the fuck? They made snow a real thing?”

Gordon grins, sitting up himself. “Guess I was right, then. You’ve never seen snow before?”

Benrey immediately gets defensive, crosses his arms. “Wh--yeah--no. I saw snow all the time. In Minecraft and. Other games.”

“Right, I got that, but not in real life.”

“Duh, they just--just patched real life to add snow. Obviously. Stop being dumb.”

Gordon just laughs openly at him, and Benrey’s face turns a little pink. “Okay. Why don’t we get something to eat, get dressed, and go outside? Wear--wear something  _ warm,  _ okay? It’s gonna be chilly out.”

“Yeah, sure, whatever, Feetman.” Benrey waves Gordon off, getting out of bed with an energy Gordon rarely sees from him this early in the morning.

...Gordon still ends up having to practically hold him down and force him to put on a sweater and a pair of gloves before they go out, since Benrey apparently wants to catch his death out there. Maybe he can’t get sick, as he claims, but considering he didn’t even know he could break a bone until it happened, Gordon’s willing to err on the side of caution.

The snow has probably been falling since last night, Gordon muses, surveying the backyard as they step outside. It’s not super deep, but it’s definitely sticking to the ground, and he glances over to see Benrey’s pupils blown wide in his excitement like a cat as he stares at their surroundings. It’s...cute? Yeah. That’s something to unpack later, or maybe never.

Benrey takes a step into the snow and freezes at the crunching noise it makes under his shoe. Gordon stifles a laugh, badly, and Benrey whips around briefly to glare at him before stepping cautiously out into the yard. He seems mesmerized, staring up at the sky as the snow continues to fall, and Gordon just watches him for a few moments.

...Okay, this is getting a little boring.

He leans down to scoop up a good handful of snow, carefully (and quietly) packing it into a ball before lobbing it at Benrey. It hits him in the shoulder, and he practically jumps out of his skin, an involuntary burst of green Sweet Voice escaping him before he turns to give Gordon a look that’s equal parts pissed off and confused.

Gordon doesn’t bother stifling his laughter this time, and he bends down to make another snowball, holding it out to show Benrey. “It’s a snowball. You ever seen kids having a snowball fight on TV?”

“Huh? Oh. Yeah.” Benrey relaxes a little, and Gordon throws the second snowball at him too, but he manages to duck out of the way. Now that Benrey understands what they’re doing, Gordon finds himself having to dodge a handful of snow sent his way. It’s not packed quite firmly enough to be a “ball” as such, and it kind of mostly scatters before it reaches him, anyway.

“Oh, look who sucks at making snowballs,” Gordon taunts as he occupies himself with gathering more snow. Apparently he shouldn’t have let his guard down, because the next thing he knows, he’s receiving a snowball directly to the face. It kind of  _ hurts  _ a little, actually, and snow even ends up behind his glasses. From Benrey’s laughter, he probably looks ridiculous.

Gordon takes off his glasses and carefully wipes the snow from his face, huffing. “Oh, so that’s how we’re doing this?” He slides his snow-free (but cold) glasses back on and reaches for more snow as Benrey cackles.

* * *

They end up calling it quits after the snowball fight turns into more of a snow wrestling match, due to the fact that Benrey decided it would be a great idea to try to dump snow down the back of Gordon’s shirt. Which turned into Gordon trying to get revenge on him, which turned into both of them competing to shove the other further into the snow.

Gordon’s hands and feet are numb by the time they head in, and his face is starting to hurt from the cold. Benrey’s shivering, so he can’t be much better off, despite his claims of being immune to cold damage or whatever. He can’t remember the last time he had this much fun just playing in the snow, though. Benrey’s excitement about it kind of made it all feel fresh.

He doesn’t have a fireplace, so he can’t exactly light a cozy fire for them to sit in front of, but Gordon  _ does  _ have an electric blanket, so that’s like...almost as good. Once they’ve changed out of their wet clothes, he plugs it in and promptly realizes they’re going to have to share it, since he’s only got the one. Normally, yes, he would share this one with Joshua, but...there’s a difference between sharing it with his son and sharing it with Benrey, and…

...Why is he freaking out about this? They share a  _ bed. _

Gordon shakes his head, settling down on the couch under the blanket, and when Benrey comes shuffling out (wearing a shirt that says “yes I’m a gamer girl, try to keep up”) he holds one side of it open for him. Benrey pauses for a moment, like he’s unsure of himself for whatever fucking reason, before finally accepting Gordon’s offer and curling up against him. In return, Gordon wraps an arm around Benrey and leans his head against the alien’s shoulder.

They sit there in silence for a while, warming up--long enough that Gordon’s starting to doze off--only to be disturbed by the sudden feeling of something icy-cold against his skin under his shirt. He yelps in surprise, realizing that--holy shit, that’s Benrey’s hand.

“Dude--your hands are fucking freezing!” Benrey doesn’t answer, but puts his other hand under Gordon’s shirt as well. “What the fuck stop!” He shoves Benrey off of him, laughing a little despite himself, and reaches out for Benrey’s hands. God, they really are like ice cubes. “Here, stop--stop terrorizing me,” Gordon says, rubbing Benrey’s hands with his own to warm them instead.

“‘S fun to terrorize you though.” Benrey gazes at their clasped hands intently, his face a little flushed--possibly still from the cold. 

Once Gordon thinks Benrey’s hands have been sufficiently warmed, he starts to let go, but Benrey grabs onto his hands instead and holds them firmly. “Oh fuck looks like you--looks like you got trapped, bro. Trapped in my--in my hand-trap of...death.”

“Sure.” Gordon snorts, his own face warming when he feels Benrey’s thumb rubbing gently over his knuckles--almost caressing them.

They stay like that for a long time, and Benrey’s grip slackens bit-by-bit until he kind of just--lets go and slumps against Gordon’s side. “Tired?” Gordon asks, and is met with a hum of agreement as Benrey nuzzles into his hair. It’s barely noon, but, well, this is about when Benrey normally wakes up for real anyway, and they _did_ just expend a lot of energy.

Gordon decides a nap won’t hurt anything and closes his eyes, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about the delay ! this is a bit shorter than what i normally do for a chapter too but i kinda felt like where i stopped was a good end for this chapter rather than doing more ?? so i guess no christmas stuff this chapter after all just benrey see snow for the first time


End file.
